The Anatomical Events of Iris Ruby Graham /Greys Anatomy/

The Diary That Wasnt Meant to Be.

I've decided to see the world in black and white; what I don't know can't hurt me. It's cold in here, they need more blankets on hospital beds. Supposedly, Im supposed to write my feelings and fears. It's all cliche if you ask me, which they don't because depressed, uncommunicative twelve year olds are expected to want anything to do with pain and suffering. Or something of the matter. I'm bad at this. I mean, dedicating your thoughts to a piece of paper is a bit of a waste. But then again they don't ask my input for the latter. I'm referring to the doctors of Seattle Grace. I'm not depressed if that's what it rubs off as. I'm really not. Dr. Shepherd says that the first phase of depression is to refuse profusely at the fact that you might be depressed. I guess that's what's happening to me. The 4.am playlist with "Shelter" "Breathe" Chasing Cars" Tragedy" and "Without a Word" is the dead give away here. Plus the one book I reread at least six times a week, Let me in. Sounds morbid doesn't it. About a lost Anastasia that finally finds her purpose in life only to discover that she has metastatic melanoma. She's "anxietic", isolates her self from everything but the medication that runs through her blood stream from the abundant mass of machines she's connected to. Anyway, shutting everybody out works out pretty well for her until the medication fails and no one is there to witness her die. Another dead give away, literally. Kind of morbid I suppose. I'm not one of those who has no life outside of writing about a journey that probably will end sooner or later but is kept secret or whatever. I read, as I've mentioned earlier, I disobey, I have nervous breakdowns and excruciating panic attacks that trick my heart into switching to survival mode. Dr. Shepherd is there almost instantly if I scream or cry. And by the way I don't ever cry. I'm immune. Ironic to the fact that I'm sick. Very sick. I don't feel anything about being sick, only that I'm writing short sentences about the fact that I'm sick. But I am sick. Very sick...