POETRY & BROKENHEART

III. MEMORIES

You cannot force something to go further than what it is only supposed to.

When you finally lose someone, it does not mean that you haven't fought enough. You have, down to the last recourse you know how.

You have always been torn between your self-worth and your longingness to keep him in your life even in ways that shatters your ego, but your heart always wins. It has always been a prodigal that gets what it wants no matter how you try to fight back, it has always been reckless.

The hardest goodbye is that moment reality finally slaps you that he chooses to turn his back on you. That moment you see him walk away, not because he loves you enough to let you go but because he picks somebody else over you.

And then, hate starts to succumb your inner being. You start to feel your heart shredded into pieces, that feeling that it even physically hurts already. That moment you feel that you should burn unto ashes all the hopes you still try to propel. You keep educating yourself that there are already no more strings to hold on to.

But you will always be that dumb person who still continues to hope... there is definitely nothing to hope for no more. But a part of you still badly wanted to fight for a little more. No matter how wounded you already are.

Your ego is stabbed; multiple times. Your heart is overly injured.  Your hopes are torn. Your soul is ragged. Yes you are already bleeding....and in fact, dying.

But why can't you let him go just yet...? What are you still holding on to...?

Then it starts to slap you hard. It is the memories. The delusion of how he was, of how he made you happy, how he held you tight when you were vagabonds of bliss, drifters in harmony and tramps of love...

The moments, those moments when he was still yours, or so you thought. Those memories that you know are what will haunt you, are the most painful to let go of.