We managed to interview JB

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by MattoniK

by MattoniK

Today we have prepared an unusual interview for you on the occasion of our guest's visit here in Prague. His name is Justin Bieber, you may know him as a famous music producer and singer, but not many people know that he is also an aspiring politician. And that's where we, The Week magazine, come in, today we are asking him, what he thinks about the current political situation in the world.
Do you think that the USA should declare war on North Korea?

Definetly, North Korea is not worth of existence. They are somewhere in China, trying to make their own way through the dough.

Do you think that the war could cause distress and unrest in the general population?

I think that there won't be anyone unhappy because the American population is not going to be affected by the war and all the Japs are going to be annihilated in an instant. There might be a higher number of casualties because of the nuclear impact, which would devastate South Korea as well, but that's not a problem for me.

There is an opinion that this conflict could grow into something bigger, like a world war. Are you not afraid that this may cause a painful death and struggling of countless victims?

I am not afraid at all, quite the contrary, I'd love to write a song about the war in the middle of it. The victims would probably be mainly on China's and Russia's side and my Instagram followers are not very numerous there.

So, you are already expecting this war to happen?

I do not expect anything, I already know that the war is going to take place. And I can assure you that you are not going to have it easy. We should be ready for the impacts at any time.

You have mentioned that you are planning to write a song about this war. Can you give us and your fans a little sneak peek of what the song will be about and when you are planning on releasing it?

It is going to be a story about an orphan who had always wanted to be a hero, so when he graduated, he joined the army to serve the people. But then a war occurs and his whole platoon gets wiped out. As he is crying in a trench, he holds in his hand a letter of gratefullness from a girl, whose life he saved, when she was trapped under rubble from a destroyed building. And in the end, he gets shot in the knee, being forced to experience a horrible death. I'm going to publish it when the war starts, so on the 14th of September 2022, 16:34.

That sounds like a very interesting topic for a song, I'm sure your fans can't wait for this magical date, but we've digressed. How long do you presume the war will last?

It is going to last for 4 months, 25 days and 22 hours. And my song is going to be a hit for the whole time. I am going to be even richer than I already am!

From what you have told us, the war will be a literal hell on Earth, do you have any tips and tricks on how to survive? How are you going to keep yourself safe?

The only trick is to lose your sense of humanity. Buy or steal a gun as quick as possible and start to reign with pure power. Go to a store, grab everything you want and if someone steps in your way, shoot them. Men, women and children should be just a piece of dead walking meat in your eyes. You should be prepared to defened yourself from post-war super-mutants as well, because they are superior in every way except intelligence. Try to practice booby qtraps on people demanding a shelter and protection. You also have to make sure not to contaminate yourself with nuclear fallout. You could refer to it as a new kind of guerilla warfare.

Thank you, Justin, for your interesting point of view on the current world situation, but I am afraid we do not have any more time for our interview. Good luck with surviving the painful years to come to you, Justin, and also to you, dear readers of The Week.
I have only one regret: My inability to prevent the annexation of Canada by the USA. That's all. Thank you.
Yes, thank you, too, for your interview

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