NO ANGEL ★彡 S. MENDES

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄.

shawn peter raul mendes.

shawn didn't have experience with heartbreak. sure, some of his biggest hits were about being left in the gutter but just because they were his songs, it didn't mean they were based off his experiences. so when he finally experienced it for the first time, the feeling of not getting the girl you had been obsessed with for so long, it was new and he had no idea on how to deal with it. when he found eleanor kissing that girl - grace? (he didn't really care about her name to be honest,) he awkwardly laughed to cover up the crushing feeling in his chest and ran into the bathroom nearby and broke down into tears.

he was too late. she was gone. and there was nothing he could do to get her to be his and that was what truly made his so sad. if only he had figured out how he felt earlier... maybe he would've caught her earlier but he hadn't. and he didn't want to dwell on what could've been, but he did. tears kept rolling down his face and they seemed to not be stopping anytime soon. he finally cracked and sobbed. eleanor had been the first girl in ages that he had really liked - no, was borderline obsessed with. she was the only thing occupying his mind for the past months, the idea of a perfect person intrigued him and he had fallen face first into the broken angel act and of course, this was the consequence.

what had he done wrong? had he said something? did he not look good enough for her? was he too boring? or nor interesting enough? because it had to be something. he had to have had done something wrong. was he not as good of a person as he thought he was? he didn't know. but what he did know that there was no way he could walk out of that door and face the girl who had broke his heart into pieces in less than a split second.

what if she knew that he had gone on a fourteen-hour flight to the other side of the world just to see her and play her a song he thought was cool? would she have broken away from that girl and no kissed her and instead come running to him? maybe she wouldn't have kissed her if she knew that there was someone waiting for her on the other side of the wall. but right now, she had no idea how much shawn liked her, so much that he had written a million songs about her that had little pieces of her laced into the lyrics and just a little snippet of her heavenly voice he had recorded without her knowing it. he had even heard teddy mutter to scott one day that he was completely fucked for her and that she was pretty sure he was completely in love with eleanor. shawn wasn't sure if she was wrong, but there was definitely truth to what she said. but strangely, what made his love for her strengthen was the fact that he couldn't have her.

shawn knew that if he could help it, he would never put another in his position: being so heartbroken that they were choking on their own hot tears while hoping a little that you would slowly fade from existence due to the horrid sensation of dying not only on their tears but their feelings. the horrible realisation had hit him - he had.

he had left a girl in the dark with nothing but love for someone who never really loved her. shawn had caused that girl the worst kind of heartbreak that one could experience and that was his love for her being a lie. and the name of this girl was miss camila cabello.

shawn remembered the moment he told camila that he never loved her, and as soon as he saw her break down into tears he tries to excuse himself saying that he was too young, they were both always travelling and never got to spend time together because of their incredibly busy careers and that never being able to go out in public had taken a strain on their already crumbling relationship. but she didn't say anything back... she couldn't. the tears of her newfound heartbreak wouldn't let her. and shawn stood there, simply feeling bad.

while shawn didn't love her, he did care immensely for her. in the weeks after their break up, camila had left fifth harmony due to the strained relationship with her bandmates and the break-up had taken a toll on camila and it seemed to ruin what little was left of their crumbling friendships (not to forget that camila had also been fighting a while for her own solo career). as well that, the heartbreak had impacted her ability to perform and because of all the stress and pressure of being apart of the perfect girl group, she had to leave. what he didn't know that her mind was also filled with the false hope that shawn might come back to her if she sacrificed everything for him - show him that she was worthy of his love, and maybe he might magically fall back in love with her. but deep down, camila knew better and tried her best to move on, turning her pain and heartbreak into music and then released it to the world. all as shawn stood and watched, still pitying her.

in that moment, in that bathroom in eleanor's hotel in tokyo, shawn's phone pinged with a message and he hastily wiped his tears on his jumper and reached into his pocket to see who it was from.

camila: hey, i know it's been a while but my album's coming out next year and unlike my other songs, i think you need to hear this. i'm trying my best to move on and this is a summary of everything that happened in the meantime. pretty much everything on this was based on us, and the idea of what we were. i think you deserve to hear it before everyone else does. i still love you, camila. (attached, ten audio files)

shawn read over it a few times and hesitated before responding.

shawn: i'm in tokyo, but i'll be flying to la soon. i'll see you as soon as i can.

he just hoped that it wouldn't be a mistake.

a/n - after a week, i am back! i took some time off to plan ahead a little and just change up the storyline a little and i'm happy with what i came out with. just by the way, i listened to ctrl while writing this and it's honestly one of my favourite albums of all time. vote and comment if you liked this (hope it made sense) <3