My. Heart. Stopped.

The Goodbye

          As we stood on the platform of the train station waving my brother off, I glance to all the people surrounding us, Some would never get to see their sons again. I draw my attention back to Tanner, my brother, and grin, waving as the train pulled out of the station. 

"See you later, bunny" Tanner calls out to me as the train pulls away faster, and faster.

His pet name for me has me tearing up through the smile, his voice ringing through my head. Will I ever get to see him again?

Setting the table for dinner tonight feel strange since I'm not setting Tanners spot. In a large family maybe his absence wouldn't have been noticed, his space taken up as extra elbow room. But with it being just the four of us, well three now, his spot is a gaping hole... and not just at the table. 

"Shelby, is the table set?" mother calls from the living room, trying to be heard over fathers radio. 

I take a breath to respond and through the fuzz of the radio I hear the announcer say 

"The attacks are getting more and more aggressive, many of our new men are entering the front lines and taking up arms to fight in Europe-" 

my breath vanishes and a blanch, Tanner's a new recruit, he wasn't supposed to go to Europe for months. My worry about his safety is tripled and I feel myself losing my breath fretting and ,my mind jumping to the worst, and I reprimand myself for doubting his capabilities, I push it to the back of my mind and poke my head through the kitchen door and put on a fake facade,

"yeah the table's set."

As I crawl into bed after dinner my mind is whirring, which is never a conductive sleep activity. I lay staring at the ceiling for hours, thinking about Tanner and how empty the house feels without his presence, his snores don't fill the halls like they have every night before now.  I just can't sleep. The silence is killing me and I know it's been hours by the subtle shift of the stars through the window, so I slip out of bed and creep down the hall to Tanner's room, careful to avoid all the creaking floorboards in our old country house. I crack the door open and slip in noiselessly and dance around the disaster he left his room in. My eyes begin to water and I really deeply feel the absence he's left behind, I crawl into his bed as sobs rack my body and pull on the button up plaid shirt he left on the bed. I slip my bare arms into the sleeves and curl up in it and almost immediately I'm asleep. 

The morning sun and the birds chirping cause me to stir in bed, and then mothers light tapping on the door is enough to get me to open my eyes. her warm brown ones meet my friendly green ones and I find nothing but understanding, I was a little worried she'd be upset. I button up Tanner's shirt before crawling out of bed and pad down the hall after mother in his shirt, I felt like I was carrying his hug with me.