Disorder

4: Five Ways To Die

*Ashkii is in the top :)*

Jess's P.O.V.

I pulled away as soon as our lips just barely touched. What? What?! WHAT AM I DOING?!!! I swear the definition for confused and bipolar is me.

"Oh god....sorry. I'm really sorry Jess. I didn't mean to I just-" Ashkii started to ramble on but I interrupted him by shaking my head.

"No. No...its okay. I leaned in just as much as you did. Let's just pretend it never happened okay?" I said in a small voice as I tried to replace the base bricks of my wall. He smiled slightly and nodded.

"I brought my laptop. You wanna watch some Netflix?" He asked and I laughed slightly and nodded. He stood up with his blanket, me doing the same, and walked over to the bed he made. I laid down first and it was so comfortable, I almost fell asleep right there. Not long after, Ashkii fell down next to me with his laptop.

After probably ten minutes of arguing, we finally decided on a movie, Aladdin. We started the movie and got comfortable. Twenty minutes in the movie, I was laying with my arms wrapped around his torso and my head resting on his shoulder, his head resting atop mine.

I heard him let out a soft sigh. I looked up in his eyes. Whenever I looked in Ashkii's eyes, I could always see and tell how he was feeling, even if I've only known him for a day or so. But for the first time since I met him, I couldn't see what he was feeling.

"What's wrong?" I asked fully sitting up so I could look him in the face without struggling. I grabbed his hand in mine and squeezed it slightly. He finally looked up at me, his eyes dull and hooded.

"If you had to choose a way to die between lung cancer, getting blown up from a bomb, overdose, shot in the head, or poisoning, what would you choose?" He asked in a voice that sounded far away. I raised my eyebrow, about to tell him to just stop talking. But with the way he was looking at me, I had to. I thought hard before answering.

"I would choose being shot in the head. Because it would be painless and quick." I said shrugging my shoulders. It was true. Out of all those I would turn to being shot in the head. He shook his head.

"Not true." I raised my eyebrows at him in confusion.

"What do you mean 'not true'?"

"It wouldn't be painless. Even being shot in the head it would take five to fifteen seconds before you actually died. So you would feel pain." He said as he wiggled a finger in my face. (REMEMBER THIS)

"Then I would choose overdose. It's the next best thing. Take the pills and you go to sleep then boom. All over. No pain, no regrets."

"Hmm good choice. But don't even think about it. You are not dying as long as I'm here." He told me.

"What's bringing this up anyway? You aren't suicidal so why ask?" I asked. He looked at me for a second and then turned his attention back to the movie. No. No he wasn't. Was he? I grabbed his chin and softly turned his face towards me.

"You are?" I asked. I couldn't believe it. Ashkii was so nice and funny and cool. Why would he be suicidal?

"I'm not sharing anything having to with that topic." He said jokingly, though I know he meant it.

"I don't want you thinking like that. If I am not allowed to, neither are you. So stop." I told him. I could tell by the look in his eyes he wasn't really listening to me. I put both my hands on his cheeks and leaned in giving him a quick little kiss. Don't judge me. He wouldn't have payed attention to me otherwise. I pulled away but my face was still quite close to his.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

(IM SORRY I HAD TO)

"Good. Now let's finish watching this movie." I told him and laid back down. He chuckled lightly and wrapped his arms tightly around me. Not five minutes after that, we both fell asleep in each others arms.

* * * *

I woke up from a gust of chilled air running over me. I opened my eyes and saw it was completely snowing outside. The space heater was turned off and I don't know why. I looked at what I was laying on and I was tangled up with Ashkii. His face was so calm and gentle. His hair was a mess on top of his head and his mouth was left slightly open and baby snores were coming out of him. It was so freaking adorable, good god.

Okay, I need to stop before I get too involved and get my heart broken. I slowly and carefully detangled myself from him and walked over to the space heater was so I switched it on. My iPod laid beside it and it vibrated right as I looked at it. I picked it up and turned on the screen. Holy shit. Eleven missed calls and twenty messages, all from my mom. I dialed her number and placed the device up to me ear as it rung.

"Jess? Oh thank god! I thought you were in an accident or something! Where are you? Are you okay?" My mom yelled through the phone making me flinch. I walked out on the balcony type thing so I didn't wake up Ashkii.

"Mom I'm fine. Ashkii and I were just hanging out-" My mother cut me off.

"All night?!"

"Woah is it already the next day?"

"Yes! It's six thirty right now. You better be ready for school. You've got your session today." She told me.

"Yeah yeah I know. I'll be home in a little bit." I answered and we exchanged goodbyes before I hung up. I walked back over to the bed and Ashkii. I shook him gently in attempts to wake him up but it didn't faze him. I slapped the back of his head and he flinched.

"ASHKIIII. WAKE UPPP!" I yelled and he slowly opened his eyes. He stared at me waiting for an explanation for why I woke him up from his deep sleep.

"Come on. Get up we have school remember?" I told him and he mumbled an 'oh shit' before rolling off the comfortable bed type thing. I pulled on my shoes, Ashkii doing the same and we turned off all the lights and the space heater so this damn thing wouldn't burn to the ground. I opened up the hatch after he grabbed his phone and keys and threw the ladder down.

We both climbed down quickly and ran through the thick snow to Ashkiis car that was still sitting on the side of the road. The drive back to my house seemed so much shorter then the drive to Our Place. We pulled up my driveway and parked, quickly running into my house.

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I know, I know. Lame way to end the chapter but I may do a double update.

I SHALL SEE YOU CHILDREN LATER

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