Numb: The constant feeling that overwhelms me, and on most days it's mixed with sadness. I try to drown it out; try to smile, but this lie I wear plastered across my face doesn't convince the most random of strangers. This constant pain from feeling unwanted makes my brain go into a rippling tidal wave of 'what ifs' ....
-What if I'm not good enough
-what if this sticks with me my whole life
-what if this is all my fault
And this list goes on for hours. My thoughts are dangerous and often leave me feeling worse than before I let them consume my sanity. Most people would say
"then why think about it?"
And my answer to that would be: it's better to be alone with my horrible 'what ifs' than be alone with a group of people who are equally bad. These 'demons' that stole my soul make me feel like I'm in a constant storm. Life has turned into one of the most terrifying nightmares I've ever experienced.
