Hearing Their Cries

Chapter 1

Patient- Cassidy Michelle Lewis

Birthdate- June 6th 1997

Admittance Date- June 6th 2014

Diagnosis- Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Seperation Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression, Suicidal Tendencies, Insomnia, Somniphobia, Anorexia.

Threat Level- Moderate

Doctor's Notes- Patient has stated several times that she can hear the cries and screams of those in need of help within her head. The cause of her hearing these voices is mainly schizophrenia, and the voices can usually bring violent mood swings and or panic attacks lasting for up to twenty minutes with the aid of medication. Patient also experiences seperation anxiety and often induces a panic attack with the though of people leaving her. She is known to be extremely depressed and has attempted suicide several occasions. Patient finds difficulty sleeping without medication, caused by extreme insomnia and a phobia of sleep. Patient has been suspiciously found the bodies of three victims and is believed to have had something to do with their death.

So according to my patient board, I am basically a psychopathic murderer that hears voices and becomes violent in seconds. So I should clear up alot of what the board says. I am Seventeen. This year, ON MY BIRTHDAY, my parents admitted me to Clear Waters Institute for the Mentally ill. They were convinced that I was crazy after I was too late to save my brother. It wasn't my fault though. I tried to save him, I just didn't get there in time, and now everybody thinks I murdered him along with my best friend and ex- boyfriend. I was only trying to help, and I ended up being accused of murder, but all of them were suicide. I tried to stop it, but I had no way to get to these people in time to stop it. So, yes I guess you could say I hear voices, but I promise it isn't schizophrenia. I can hear people crying or screaming for help, and most of the time I can sense where they are. I have been able to save alot of people this way, but the three that I couldn't get to haunted me.

When I am hearing theses calls for help, I go into what looks like a panic attack, but it is really me sensing who and what and where the situation is. But once I figure this out, I do have an actual paniic attack usually, considering I'm locked up in a mental institution and I can't help the people. It sucks having so many deaths and disapearances on your concience. I usually know exactly what happens to these people, but noone ever believes a crazy girl. I guess you could also say that I do have seperation anxiety, considering I'm afraid for anybody to leave me since I don't know if I will ever see them again, and if something does happen after they leave, I will be able to hear their screams and live with the fact that I can never help them. I don't really know why they think I am bipolar, maybe because I will either sob for hours after hearing someone's cries, or lash out in anger because the people her won't allow me to help. Yes I am depressed, considering that I constantly have to hear people dying and nobody will believe me to allow me to try and aid these people. I might feel better if I tried and failed, than if I didn't even get the chance to try.

When it says suicidal tendencies, it means that I tried once and they think I will tryagain. I was tired of having people blame me, so yes I tried. I will just say that It was the same day as the boston marathon bombing. Most of the time I only hear people near me, but if something big like that happens, I can hear them all. I slit my wrists with the screams of people dying filling my brain, but needless to say, I didn't succeed. I can't sleep anymore. I am usually kept awake by people's screams in my head, or I am afraid to fall asleep. Whe I dream, I dream of the people that cry out to me. I can hear them crying, but in the dream, I get the visual too, usually causing me to witness near death. The dreams stop before the person actually dies, but I know how it ends. I don't like sleeping. You wouldn't either if all you could have was nighmares.It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that all of these nightmares were actually happening in the real world. I was terrified of death. Not my own, but other people's, but the doctors didn't know that, so it wasn't added to my long diagnosis list.

Other than the countless terms people try to use to make me seem different, I am exactly like any teenage girl in the entire universe. I obsess over boybands and I do my hair and my makeup and I worry about what boys think about me. Even though most of the guys in here are insane... I hated everything about the way that my life currently was. I couldn't ever aagain be a normal girl. I would forever be the one girl that was locked up for hearing voices and murdering the people the voices told her to. But none of that was true. They all thought that my voices were telling me to kill and that was why I needed to get places so quickly. I just wanted to stop people's pain. Whenever I heard their pain, I felt my own and I was tired of having other people's emotions linked to mine.

So i'm stuck in a mental institution with absolutely nothing to do all day. After months of begging I can finally talk to other patients as long as I am supervised. I felt as if I could be more entertained if they just put me in a straight jacket. At least then I would be able to entertain myself by tryin to wiggle out of it.

My life is basically a jumbled up mess of pills and hospital gowns and dying peoples desperate calls for help. I'm the only one that can help them, but tell me, how can I do that if I can't even help myself?

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So i finished the first chapter, but im not too happy with it. I might delete this and start over... But then again, maybe I won't

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