After We Broke Up

PRELUDE

“Jesus Christ Isaiah! Thirty two missed calls! Ano ba naman ‘yong i-text mo ako kung nas’an ka, kung anong ginagawa mo kasi nag-aalala ako!”

“Seriously Autumn?! Dapat ba lahat ng galaw ko naka-report sa ‘yo?! I was fucking busy!”

“Busy?! Busy?! Don’t you fucking dare tell me you’re busy ‘cause we both know you’re fucking not!”

It took us two years. Two fucking years of sweet nothings then THIS.

“Can’t you take a hint?!” nagpupuyos niyang tanong sa ‘kin. “I am so damn tired of you Autumn!” He pointed out ruthlessly. “There! I said it!”

There. He said it.

I tried with all my heart to stop the tears from falling. God knows I tried. ‘Cause this is the only promise I made to myself. That I will never cry in front of a guy, especially if it’s because of fucking love. But here.

“N-Nag-alala lang naman ako Isaiah. You weren’t answering my texts and calls. And you’ve missed your class for four days.”

Four goddamn days. No calls nor texts. And we’re having constant fights for the past two months. Sa tingin ko normal lang naman na mag-alala ako.

Hindi naman kami ganito dati. Our relationship is too ideal. He’s too ideal. Well, he was. I don’t know what happened that put us in this situation. It seems like we couldn’t handle a single fight that lead to countless fights of fucking petty reasons. Nakakatawang kahit maliit na bagay ay pinag-aawayan na namin. And this is certainly not us.

“Just… just go home! I’m perfectly fine. Wala kang dapat ipag-alala.”

Agad kong pinunasan ang luha ko at pilit na ngumiti sa kanya.

“O-Okay.”

Lumapit ako sa kanya at kahit pa sobrang bigat ng loob ko ay niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit. “Call me if you need anything.”

Alangan niya akong niyakap pabalik. I’m on the verge of tears again because he felt anyone but him. He’s cold. He’s too cold that I’ve felt like I’m losing him.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

I tried so hard to keep our relationship breathing. Just so we could go back to the old us. The old Isaiah and Autumn. The ideal us.

“We are very sorry Miss Cendana but we can’t give you another consideration. We’ve already given you a chance. Countless times. You’ve failed enough to lose your scholarship.”

Our constant fights affected me too much that I’ve lose more than enough.

“Napaka-inutil mo! Hindi mo man lang inisip ang mga kapatid mo! ‘Yang Kuya mo! Itinigil niya pag-aaral para mapagtapos ka! Dahil akala namin ikaw ‘tong matalino!”

And that night, after trying too hard to keep him, he finally slipped away.

“Hey.”

“Why did you call?” Direkta kong tanong sa kanya. I sensed that something was wrong ‘cause for months I was haunted by fear I couldn’t quite place.

“I met a girl.”

I gasped as my breathing became irregular. It was just four words but I momentarily felt my heart stopped beating.

“Her name is Nikki. She made me realize that we are not worth it.

Autumn… Autumn, we’ve tried. But we’ve reached our end. This is our end.

I know you are also tired of me. Believe me, I tried to be the old me, the old person you’ve fallen in love with. But this is me Autumn. The asshole who’ve been constantly treating you less than what you deserve.

Autumn, I think we’ve fallen with the ideal and now, we couldn’t love the real us. This is reality Autumn. And it’s haunting us for the past five months. We need to grow. And I think we wouldn’t if we’re stuck with each other.”

“Maybe we need to try harder Isaiah. I know this relationship is exhausting, but Isaiah, two years. I couldn’t just let it go. These past few months were too painful to handle but we’re here right? We still can. ‘Cause I know that no matter how painful it is, it is worth it. It’s worth it ‘cause I love you Isaiah. I love you that even if it’s too painful I still hold on. I love you Isaiah. Please.”

“I already love her.”

I bring my hand to my face and I sob. No amount of physical pain could even stand to what my heart is feeling right now.

Our memories together flash before my eyes and in that moment… I know. This is the end. This is our end.

Maybe holding on is more painful than letting go. So I’ve chose the one that will lessen the pain. That is to let him go.

I thought that’s the end of us. Or so I thought.

‘Cause the moment it ends is where our story begins.

The story after we broke up.