What She Wanted To Say.

5. Alone.

I am alone.
And I know I am not.
So many people around me.
So many interactions.
But I still feel at a void.
I don't know.

Maybe I have always been alone.
Maybe I am better alone.
Maybe that's what I'll keep telling myself,
So that being alone,
Will feel like I'm crowded.
Like my words are loud enough to be heard.
Like I'm walking not just with my shadow.
Like my life has meaning,
Past the foreshadow.
Like I know the meaning of life itself.

I'm tired of feeling alone. 
But don't know how to be inclusive.
In a way that doesn't harm me.
In a way that doesn't harm you.
I feel alone.
And I know I don't have to.

But why do I feel so comfortable?
Alone.
The thought of hurting anyone else but me,
Keeps me from connecting.
With others,
With being together.
I am too comfortable in my false peace.
That has created a false sanity for me.

Being alone isn't a peace.
But for me,
It's a piece I use.
So that you'll be at peace.
From me.
So that I'll be at peace,
With me.

I am alone,
And I think maybe it is better that way.

Because when I fall,
At least I'll fall alone.