"g-"
the hand of the white haired boy reached out to the spiked haired boy.
Gon took his hand in his own while he tried to hold his tears back. He knew that everything that would follow was going to break him, tear him apart , completely destroy him.
killuas fingers felt cold as they intertwined. He felt killua shaking,as the blue eyed tried to talk again.
"Gon.. i-ts cold"
honestly Gon could not tell if he felt killua shaking or if it was his heart that was falling apart slowly.maybe he would feel every single piece losing his grip? maybe it felt like that ? maybe thats why Gon got gosebumbd all over his body? he did not know. he couldn't held his tears any longer and the second he decided to let them lose they streamed down his face and fell down onto killua's heavily breathing body.
"K-kill' "
the taned boy said carefully as he tightened his grip on the other ones hand.
"don't talk okay? promise me that you will not talk and that you will stay awake okay?"
He felt like he screamed those words right into his best friends face but in reality those words were spoken very carefully and quietly.those words were nothing more than a whisper, a whisper full of fear with what would come next. Again Gon tightened his grip around killua's Hand as he looked into the blue eyes he always adored more than anything in his life.
those blue eyes he dreamed about so many times , those magical blue eyes that were full of hatred when they first met. Gon rememberd the exat Moment when the hatred finally changed into happiness and joy. One time he thought he had seen Love in his eyes. real Love. the love that Gon felt for Killua. the love were you want the other one to smile , the love where you want to cuddle and kiss the other person! that kind of love where you want to hold the loved person for the rest of his life, like Gon wanted it with the white haired Zoldyck. but why did no one told him that the rest of Killuas life would be over so fast? why did no one ever told him about the hurtfull side? why does everybody just talks about the good side of love? why does nobody ever just spoke the hurtfull truth? maybe Gon would have changed his mind. maybe he would#ve decided to not fall i love with him.! Not that he could decide about his feeling for his otherhalf. he loves Killua.
He rememberd the golden Sparkles his blue eyes had the first moment he really, truthfully looked happy .those golden sparkles that didn't showed up to often, but Gon did everything to see Killua smile like that , and then he would do anything to capture this moment in his memories as accurately as possible. he wanted to remember those sparkles for the rest of his life. he wanted to remeber every single detail of that face. he wanted to remember every smile that Killua ever smiled, every laugh killua ever laughed, just everything.
and now he had to look into the same blue eyes , but there where no sparkles they weren't shining
they where grey and dark like the stormy night sky they were lying under,and those big tears that fell from the corner of his eyes like the raindrops that startet falling from+ the clouds.Gon really hated seeing Killua cry.
"Gon...n-nothing is g-goin to change"
killua coughed blood.
that was not good
not good
not good
not good
Gon's mind was going insane. the picture in front of him was his biggest fear , his worst nightmare and he tried so hard to ignore that pool of blood they were sitting in. He ignored that the blood would not stop running out of killua's still shaking body.He just looked into killuas blood smuged face.
"Gon? i can't k-keep my eyes.."
Gon saw how the taller boy slowly closed his eyes.
"Killua please stay awake ! please "
Gon's words were spoken in such a broken and also loving and caring voice that Killua collected all the power he had left to open his eyes again.Gon could tell how hard that must've been for the young Zoldyck. The Tears from both of them started to mix up with the Rain and all the Blood coming out of killua's Stomach.
no matter how hard Gon was pressing his bear hand against that wound he could not stop the bleeding.He had to watch how the blood run right through his Fingers. He had to feel the blood runing out of Killua's body. he had to see how killua was fighting for his life and Gon had to watch him lose. He had to watch his Love losing his Life slowly.
"i'm tired...a-and it's so so cold "
and before Gon could talk killua spoke again.
"thank you Gon..for everything"
Killua's body got weaker every second but right now for the two if them every second felt like a hour.Gon locked eyes with killuas once more.' oh how I wished that every second I spend with you were actually a whole hour. oh how I wish I had more hours to spend with you I wish we had more days, more weeks, more years? just more time. i need more time. Gons thoughts were going wild.
"I wish we would have a life time "
Gon whisper almost not audible while he was having a hard time to breath under his tears. Gon didnt wnated killua to hear those words but killua heard them and killua also wished for more time with Gon, with his Gon. killua wasnt afraid of dying he actually was happy that he was the one dying because he knew Gon could take this because Gon is strong not like Killua. Killua could imagne what Gon is feeling right now and he knew that its horrble becazse killlua played that scenario in his head over and over again and killua always died in his mind because of the loss but gon was strong he knew how to handle that. It maybe was selfish from Illua to thinik that way but he really was facilitated that it was'nt him who had to see Gon die.
"i also w-wished we h-had mo-ore ti-i-ime" and then he smiled one of those smiles filled with pure happieness and joy and Gon could have sworne that he saw Real love in him eyes.and then he didnt wnat to hold it in any longer theyre time was running out.
" i love you Killua "
Gon spoke calmly.
" i really do Killua with all my heart"
he squeezed killuas hand but nothing happend. Gon still cried while he was whiting for a response. but little did he know there would be no response. little did he know that the sparkles from his last loving smile were gone. oh little did he know that the blue eyes he adored the most run out of life.it took Gon a few seconds to relise what just had happed but it will take him a lifetime to accept it. Seconds that felt like hours a few moments ago started to rsuh by. His eyes went over the body wich the sould and life just had left. he saw Killuas last smile still on his lips, the lips he always wanted to kiss. ans as he saw his best friend lying down in the bloody grass he screamed like he never screamed before. he screamed his frustrations out his sadness his helplessness, his love. He scremaed Killuas name with all emoitions he ever felt. the dark haired boy pulled the cold body closer and pressed the not moving body against his chest. He cried Killuas name over and over again. and it did'nt matter how loud he screamed he still felt like a desprate little sheap because Killua could not hear him.
that night was the first time where he felt really alone. It was just him the rain and the stars.
