2018

A Summary of 2018

I wasn't going to post anymore on this account, but I felt the need to get everything off my chest from this year.

My year was one hell of a year. There was A LOT of things that kinda crushed my soul and left me a wreck. I'm going to go in order of everything that happened this year.

First, we start with January. In January, my counselor of two years, who had helped me through my suicidal period of 2017, left for another job. I refused to see a counselor for a month or two, and I wasn't really sure who to go to. I was left confused and I felt alone.
I was also dying in my school's drama club. I was depressed, felt alone, and I felt like we were all just going to fail anyway. I felt suicidal again, so I had to leave. Drama was more drama than I thought it would be.

In February, a lot went on. I had begun to get into frequent fights with my mom about anything and everything. It was really escalating, and I kept getting angrier and even a bit violent. Luckily I didn't hurt anybody and I didn't break anything in the house. The only thing hurting from the fights was my fists.
February was also the month where there were a lot of decisions getting made about college and such. What hit me was when two of my then friends said they wanted to go to the ONE art school in our state, making me feel like I wanted to go too. We'll get to how that decision ended up later.
Also made contact with my dad after five years of not talking to him. And just as I thought, he was still a piece of shit who lied to my face and made it seem like everything wrong with him was everyone else's fault. Should have seen that one coming. I really hoped that maybe, just maybe, he could have some shred of human decency. I was wrong.
Then there was admitting to someone I'd been on-and-off friends with for several years that I liked her and wanted to date her. Then my proceeding nightmares (and possibly premonitions...) that she'd ignore me and go after this other guy at school. Fun.
My cat had his first stroke of a few more that would continue over the span of a few months until...
I got to spend time with family that aren't a part of my household. Being around family is and always will be a bit weird. I didn't get much family interaction growing up, and I doubt I will until I have a family of my own.

March. March was also fun. Say hello to Bipolar II. It's here to stay.
I also got my ears pierced. 17 and finally getting my ears pierced. The urge just randomly hit me. Plus, when I'm stressed, I tend to want to change my appearance somehow. Usually my hair, but I had already changed that recently.
I did my portfolio review for art school, and then I got accepted. Still gonna talk about all that later.
Found out a childhood friend of mine got married. She was only 18 when she got married. She hadn't even graduated yet. Homeschooling is weird.
Got a new phone and I proceeded to get 5000 different social media accounts and apps.
Also, apparently my Spring Break sucked. Looking back through my year and finding things I didn't remember.

APRIL. APRIL WAS A LOT AND I CAN'T EVEN.
Prom was fun. Girl asks girl. Girl says she is going with other guy friend. Girl 1 senses something going on and gets annoyed. Girl 2 goes with guy to prom, and Girl 1 gets to find out that they are a thing. Girl 1 cries at prom and gets comforted by 50 different people. Girl 1 questions their entire friendship and finds out that Girl 2 will never feel the same way about her in any way, shape, or form. Girl 1's heart is temporarily broken.
Mom and I had horrible fights. She and I were both a mess. It just kept getting worse. I had my most horrible fight with her and I retreated to Girl 2's house to cry it out and get away from everything.
My 18th birthday was actually the best day of my life. I'm sad that it had to be overshadowed by the next day's prom catastrophe. I got to spend time with friends, I leave my mark on the art loft at school, and I got to go to a restaurant where everyone has known me since I was little. I got a special dish, a balloon, and they sang to me in Chinese. It was great.
I was happy with getting to spend time with my best friends before prom and at prom. I love my best friends more than anything.
My cat had another stroke. I know he was 17, but it was just horrible either way... He was so lifeless after each time.
I also accidentally participated on Senior Skip Day. I needed a mental health day, which just so happened to fall on Senior Skip Day. Whoops.