knew this day was coming. I was basically counting down the days to this day. I hate you. I hate you with all my heart, from the deepest depths of my heart. And guess what? I hate everyone else because of you.
After two terrible heartbreaks, I was left broken, but happy. Why you ask? Because I had completely detached myself from love, from feeling cared for, from having the feel of someone else's skin on mine. Then you came. You did everything to me I had never imagined would happen. All in a week. Like a wild sweep of wind , I was pulled into the air, all ecstatic and euphoric.... and then smashed onto the ground. My jaw broken, blood pouring from my mouth, and all my hands and legs fractured. I was totally broken. Getting over you was very hard. I still haven't moved on... but you moved on like a piece of cake. Amd then you got back together with HER and rubbed it on my face. Did I never matter to you?
I have cried and cried and cried for hours on end. Every post of yours, every word of yours, every action of yours, a sharp jab on my ribs. I become paralysed. The world stops and nothing matters anymore. My heartbeat slows down and I can't breathe properly. Every step I take feels like picking up a 150 kg mass. I ask God for help,... but there's none. It's only me. God, I want to believe in you. I feel like you exist, but then why cant you help me? Why is my life filled with heartbreaks? I cant bear it anymore.
Clearly, I dont fucking matter to you. You used me, then you dumped me, then you kicked a million times in my ribs till I was a heap on the ground. If that wasn't enough, you stomped on my face and then spit on me, and then walked away without a care. I wish I never met you.
I know it's going to be even harder soon. When you will meet her, you will post another pic of you and her. You will fuck her. You will spend every second of your day with her. You will listen to her like you never did with me. You will touch her like you never did to me. You will talk to her like you never talked with me. After all, I'm nothing to you. I am a nobody to you. NOBODY. And what's more? You will come back and talk about all those things you did with her, right in front of my fucking face. I dont matter to you. My feelings dont matter to you.
Dear God,
Tell me one thing. Why can I never find that happiness? Why can someone worthy never love me? Why does my mind have to be fucked up? Fucked up to such an extent that I don't know what love is anymore. I hate love. I fucking hate it. It hurts. It hurts so much I die everyday. Kill me.
I am terrified of ever loving again. Coz I'll get hurt again. God , why do I have to go through all this while he gets all the happiness of the world? Why god why? What wrongs have I done? Why am I being punished this way? Why are you doing this to me?
IF I AM YOUR CHILD THEN PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! PLEASE STOP TESTING ME ALL THE TIME! PLEASE LET ME BE HAPPY!!
GOD LET ME BE HAPPY! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME???????? ANSWER KE GOD! ANSWER ME! WHY ME? ANSWER ME!
I havent had a proper talk with a single soul in a very long time. I haven't had a proper chat with a soul in a very long time. I am a broken shell of a person. And if this continues, soon I am going to be a fucked up loner with a fucked up head. Please God help me. I am begging you for mercy. Please God. Help me. Its been 5 years now. How long do you want me to bear this? Becayse I am already extremely broken and I swear I will die if this continues. God show me a path. Please God. Light my way. Please God.. i am begging you. Beggginggg you for mercy!
I cant breathe
I cant sleep
I'm gonna die
YOU ARE READING
Away from you
Teen FictionYou and I were together for a week. But that week was the best week of my life and now it's gone. Here, I write a diary of the 30 days I'll be away from you during the winter break before meeting you again in college.
