The Dog House

Jake

"Honey, I got you a surprise," Jake Miller said as he walked into their TV room with a wrapped package. His wife Amelia was sitting on the sofa and was quite surprised.

"Oh, what for? It's not my birthday" Amelia asked. "It's not even Christmas or Valentine's Day. Or our anniversary."

"Just because I love you and when I saw this I just knew you would love it too," Jake said planting a kiss on her forehead.

Excitedly Amelia tore the paper off only to find a mop of some sort. The head was a brush in an oval shape, with a thin opening through the middle.

"What is it?"

"It's a fan brush," Jake said grabbing it from her. "See how the handle extends, so when you're cleaning the ceiling fans you won't have to get up on the step ladder anymore. You know, because you're afraid to get on the step ladder. And I don't want you to do anything you're afraid to do."

"But I thought we agreed you would clean the fans just because I am afraid to get up on the step ladder," Amelia said with a confused look on her face.

"Yes, we did," Jake agreed. "But then I saw this and I knew you would love it because I know how much you enjoy cleaning the house."

"I don't enjoy cleaning the house," Amelia said. "I thought we agreed that you would take on some of the cleaning responsibilities because I'm tired when I get home from work."

"But honey," Jake argued. "I can't clean the house, I have a job, and everybody knows that housework is a girl's job." He tapped her on the nose with his finger.

"But I also have a job," Amelia said trying to stay calm. "You remember, I get up every morning, get you up, get dressed, get you dressed and we both leave to go to our separate offices. Is this because I make more money than you?"

"Oh honey, honey let's not argue over who makes more money," he snickered. "I'm the man, so my money has to go to pay all the household expenses. Your money is what we get to play with. The money I use to go get a couple of drinks after I work hard all day with my buddies."

Amelia gave him a look that told him he was on thin ice.

"If it makes you feel better," Jake retracted. "I did buy this with my own money. I didn't use our money."

"Our money?"

Jake watched as her eyes widened and her skin darkened. When that happened he knew he was in trouble, although he really didn't know why. It wasn't a holiday, he didn't have to buy her anything, but he did. She should be thankful he thought about her.

But there was the look. And he knew he would have to talk fast if he was going to out of this alive.

"Okay, you don't like the fan brush, that's fair," Jake said in his most charming voice. "Why don't we go to your favorite store and buy you something you do like. And we'll use my money. We won't touch our money at all. How does that sound?"

"Anything I want?" Amelia asked. Her voice was tight and her expression did not change. "With your money?"

"Yes, anything," Jake said with a snicker. He smiled and nodded his head, but he knew this could mean no drinks with the guys this weekend. But it could also mean sex on a week night.

"Great! We're going to the mall," Amelia said grabbing her purse. "I'll drive."

"Oh no, not the mall," Jake whined. But he followed her out to her car anyway.

"I don't remember this part of the mall," Jake said as Amelia parked.

"Really? How often do you come to the mall?"

Jake shrugged, "not very."

"The girls and I start our Saturday and Sunday morning walks from this entrance," she said as they entered. "There's a special store I think you're really gonna like."

They walked down the hall for a short stretch then Amelia turned to him and pushed him down on a bench. Jake saw that the bench was facing a store with a very weird entrance. The door was a tall curved archway with black curtains so you couldn't see inside. The sign across the top said THE DOG HOUSE.

There was a small table and a couple of chairs in the front with a woman sitting behind it. Amelia took the empty seat opposite her.

Jake was confused. They didn't have any pets, let alone a dog. What could Amelia possibly want from a place called The Dog House? Did she want a dog? Well, he didn't, so there wasn't going to be any dog.

"Baby, we don't have a pet," he called to her. "And we don't want a dog."

"Hold on, I'm taking care of this," Amelia said back to him.

"And shouldn't dog house be one word?" Jake asked to whoever was listening.

Jake watched as the two woman talked. He saw that Amelia was filling out some forms. As he watched, the woman behind the table cocked her head and looked straight at him. He smiled at her. She did not smile back.

After a few minutes another couple came up and the man was thrown onto the bench next to Jake and the woman went to the table and asked a question. The woman stepped back.

"I thought we were going to movies," the man next to Jake said to the woman.

"I'm getting you some entertainment," the woman said with a wink and a smile.

"I'm Jake," Jake said extending his hand.

"I'm Walt, and I have no idea what we're doing here," Walt said as he shook Jake's hand.

"We're supposed to be buying a substitute gift for my wife," Jake told Walt. "Because she didn't like the one I bought for her. I mean, it ain't even her birthday or a holiday, I didn't have to get her anything, and she didn't like it. So we're supposed to be shopping for something she will like," Jake said with mock in his voice. "But I do know we ain't getting a dog."

"I don't know why we're here," Walt said. His voice was sullen. "All I was doing was folding the clothes, like she told me to. Ya know I don't usually fold clothes. That's her job, she's the girl, right?"

"I know," Jake agreed.

"And I guess she didn't like the way I was folding them, so she just yells at me with that screechy voice of hers and says we're going to the movies," Walt continued. "So, I don't know why we're here."

Jake saw Amelia hand the woman behind the table some cash. They got up and shook hands. Amelia walked over to Jake, she pulled him off the bench.

"What did you get?" Jake asked.

"A vacation," she said.

"Ooh that sounds like fun. Where...," but before he could ask where they were going, Amelia pushed him through the curtains.

Jake slipped into what he could only assume was a chute or a tunnel that went down. He slid for a few minutes until he came out and landed on some hard stuff. He tried to get up and saw crushed beer cans, banana peels, coffee grounds, candy wrappers and empty chip bags.

"Ugh!" he said trying to get up.

"Oh good," a man who was sweeping the floor said. "Finally, someone to take the garbage out."

"Excuse me," Jake said. "Are you talking about me? I barely take the garbage out at home."

"Well, you landed on it, it's your job," another man who appeared to be emptying a dishwasher said.

"Whaddaya mean?" Jake asked.

"I'm Gabe, I fell into the dishwasher, so it's my job to fill it. Sam here fell into the broom closet, so it's his job to sweep, you fell on the garbage, it's your job to take it out," Gabe informed him.

"I don't understand," Jake said. "I take the garbage out? Where do I take it? And then what?"

"You fill that can," Sam said pointing to the garbage can. "You wheel it over to the chute and dump it. Get it?"

"Then what?" Jake asked.

"Then you do it again," another man, who had a toilet brush in his hand said. "You're lucky it's only garbage."