Wedding Day (Kellic One Shot)

Wedding Day

     This may sound girly but I've dreamed of my  wedding day for a pretty long time. Guys will tell you they don't think about it but we do. The smiling and proud faces and the man in the tux at the alter. Everything seems to have happened in a blur, Like I'm a kid again riding on a carousel. My mind keeps reeling, stuck on the thought of how the man at the alter and I first met.

4 Years Earlier

     “Kellin, seriously it’s your senior prom, if you don’t go I might just have to kill you.” Jenna, my best friend, spat at me, wrapping her long pink gown around herself. She’s beautiful as always. If I was straight I'd be in to her. I sat on the floor of her bedroom playing with my teal tie. I never wanted to go to prom. Honestly I didn’t. Jenna always drags me into these things and of course I’m going dateless seeing as I'm probably the only gay guy in this school and I just decided to go a week ago. Jenna has her boyfriend. Kellin, the third wheel. I let out a deep breath, closing my eyes to make it all go away.

     “Calm down Jen, I’m going I just don’t want to, but I’m going.”

     “Good than let’s hit it!”

     Getting to prom, sitting, eating, and talking, went by in an honest blur. I couldn’t tell you the details if I tried. I was getting pretty sick of staring at the wall while Jenna danced with her boyfriend so I decided to do what I do best, explore.

I love finding new things, seeing places other’s have neglected and being the first to uncover secrets. I slipped out of the dance room slowly, making my way up the back stairs and out the back door to the alleyway behind the dance hall. Stars greeted me, twinkling down from the vast darkness of the April sky. I stared up in awe, trying to decipher the constellations, and failing miserable I might add, when someone smashed into me full force. I stumbled backwards and fell flat on my back on the pavement below. A ripping noise greeted my pounding ears as I realized a rock had ripped the back and shoulders of my dress shirt to shreds. Prom ROCKS right?

     “Oh Jesus! I am so sorry! Um are you ok? You hurt? Want to punch me? Because I mean, I deserve it.” I looked up to see a boy a little older than me crouching down, pure panic consuming his features. He was handsome with shoulder length brown hair and tanned skin. He looked on the verge of having a heart attack and I vaguely remember wanting to ask him if he was ok.

“Please say something! Oh God I’m so sorry.” Sitting out there, a ripped up shirt,my back killing me, and a beautifully embarassed boy in front of me I did the one thing I could do; I laughed. The fright on his face made me laugh harder as I tried to control myself. It just is unbelievably funny how these things have to happen to me. I've always been known as clumsy Kellin and I guess I fit the name.

 “Oh God.” I heard the boy groan as he rubbed his eyes, I composed myself quickly, for his benefit.

     “I’m fine, I’m fine I promise.” I chuckled, pushing myself off the ground while watching his face slowly relax.

     “I didn’t look where I was going, I’m sorry it’s just been a bad night, my now ex boyfriend left me here after he left with some friends so I was trying to take a walk to clear my head. I uh, I'm rambiling I'm sorry.”

He was flustered; he looked like a guy who just didn’t have a good night. His tux was wrinkled and his eyes were saggy. His dark brown eyes looked to the ground. I felt his pain.

“Um-“he stammered, more to the ground than me, “your shirt is ripped in the back and I swear I'll pay for it, but at least take my jacket for now.” He pulled his suit coat off quickly and passed it to me with shaky hands. “So why were you out here anyway? Besides to get run over by me.” He teased, finally relaxing and offering me a seat next to him on the cold ground. I took it gratefully.

“Bad night, I just needed air and a chance to escape.” I said slowly, looking down at my uncomfortable shoes. I saw the boy smile for the first time, a brilliant smile that wrapped his face in warmth.

     “Well...?”

     “Kellin” I smiled back quickly.

    “Well Kellin, since I’ve ruined your prom night I’m willing to take you for a night on the town and a chance to blow this dump if you want.”

     "That sounds way better than staying here...?”

     “Vic.” He laughed back.

     I smiled and realized that maybe I didn’t uncover some hidden room or some kind of secret. On this dumb night I became a true explorer by finding the man who was to  become my husband.

PRESENT

     Well my wedding day finally came. I had a half hour until mass started. A half hour alone to think. My stomach jolted with butterflies, I’m about to get married to my soulmate, the man who completes me in every way. I should feel like the luckiest man alive. Why am I having second thoughts?

I pushed my head against the old bay window, the place I used to sit and read as a little kid. My cheek began to tingle as the icy glass sent chills through me. I missed being that little kid, it seems so long ago. Innocence. The pure thoughts of a child believing the world was cruel free while reading his stupid little mystery books. I still wish I could jump into a book.

My throat began to tighten and my eyes swell, a breakdown was the last thing I needed at this point. The tears were angrily wiped away with my shaking hand. I love Vic; he’s my best friend, the only person who actually knows me. But… he doesn’t consume my whole heart, there’s that dark little cavern full of fears, dread, and secrets that even his warmth couldn’t break through. Why would I marry a man when I couldn’t give him my full heart?

Cold feet, that’s all this is, cold feet. I pulled at my hair, hoping to obtain a few quick breaths and quiet seconds to myself. Of course that didn’t happen.

     “Kellin?” Jenna, my best "man", and still best friend called from behind the door. “You have ten minutes okay? Vic is due any minute.” I heard her heels clomp away from the door while the distant wail of an ambulance passed. I muttered a silent pray; something my grandfather always taught me to do when hearing that distressing wail.

I pushed myself up straight against the glass, ignoring the cold numbness that crept up my spine. I had to tell Vic. I had to tell him that I need more time to figure stuff out, to figure me out. He needs to know all of those fears and secrets stashed away and then, if he still wants me, I’d be the happiest man alive to walk down that aisle. I won’t back down. I will make this right.

     Frantic footsteps sounded on the wooden stairs outside my door, sending prickles of unease into my stomach. Maybe Vic decided that he didn’t want to marry me after all and he just had to tell me now. That thought left my mind quickly as I heard a knock on the door with Jaime's voice accompanying it.

     “Kellin? Kellin? It’s me.” I numbly went to the details of how he and Vic were supposed to come together. “Oh god Kellin.” I heard him lean his weight against the door as he pounded on the frame. His voice was shaky and loud, the kind of voice that screamed distress. By the sound of all the whispers in the hall, distress was happening.

I ran over to the door, tripping over my shoes. The door slammed open instantly after I unlocked it while Jaime came stumbling in, his eyes bloodshot and a long jagged cut that ran sickly down his jaw line. People lined the hallways, confusion and shouts of “what happened?” filling the air.

     “Kellin…there was a car crash.” I listened numbly, piecing nothing together. “Vic, he’s gone, oh god I tried to save him. His head hit the wheel Kellin I…”   The last words sent Jaime into a coughing fit, blood poured down from his open cut and into his mouth.

 Jaime became a broken man, he sobbed tears and blood onto his sports jacket as the guest tried to help him up. Other’s stared in shock, some sobbed openly. The last thing I remember thinking was that I was never surer then in that moment just how much I love Vic. How he truly owned my whole heart. I thought of the house we’d have, and the beautiful children with the beautiful names. Vic should be here any minute, any minute…

     Then I passed out.