The Trouble With Love (SHOEY Fanfic) DISCONTINUED

Light as a Feather (Chapter 25)

We had finished breakfast without a word and we were currently sitting on the couch, still in silence.

"Have you talked to Izzy today?"

I looked at him, surprised that he spoke. He was looking at me with a blank expression, making me feel uncomfortable.

Something doesn't seem right to me... What's with him?

"Well... No. Should I? I don't wanna be a bother since... Ya know, they kicked me out..."

"I dunno... I was just thinking maybe you should." He shrugged and looked away.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and stared at my speed dial. Shane took that moment to give me some space and he went out to the yard. I watched him disappear outside, admiring his rear area.

Damnit, Joey, pull yourself together!

Sawyer's name was right at the top of my list. Well, second from the top. Shane's name was first.

I clicked "call" and waited. I heard someone pick up and sighed.

"Hey, Sawy?"

"Hey, Izz here. Umm.. Sawyer's drunk. just wanted to let ya know. Okay? SO if he randomly calls you, thats why. Eh, yeah.. Miss you hope to see you soon!! Love ya!"

I raised my eyebrows. Sawyer, drunk before 5?

"At 11am?! ...Uh... Okay, I kinda figured..." I laughed nervously. I was getting anxious. I kept thinking any second she would freak out at me.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay....." I said softly.

"Joey.." Long pause. "I-I'm sorry for accusing you of not caring about me.. I-I'm just as messed up as you are."

And she hung up, just like that.

I sat there, dazed.

Wow... I really screwed up. Why can't I help her?!

I felt a familiar sinking feeling in my chest and I started to freak out. I didn't take my new panic attack medication this morning... It's in my bag in my room. I should go get it.

Something made me think. Maybe I can stop it.. No big deal.

I sucked in a few deep breaths and rocked, trying to calm myself. Just breathe... That's all...

Then I heard the voice again.

"Joey, you're a miserable excuse for a friend. You let Izzy and Sawyer down by not forgetting about Shane. Now you're siting in Shanes house. What a backstabber."

I flinched.

Recently, within the past month, every time I had a panic attack I heard a voice, my own or Hannah's, my ex. This time it was Hannah, which is always the worst. Her voice was always mocking, making my life seem like nothing. That's why I went to my therapist for the first time in years for some medication. Last time I went was after I almost killed myself.

"You're nothing but a depressed emo asshole. You can't get over your damn self to help Izzy."

Tears started falling at a fast pace and I was hyperventilating. No no no no... Not here, not now... Shane could walk in at any minute and see me at my worst...

"You should just kill yourself, Izzy and Sawyer are sick of your depressed ass sitting around the house, and Shane could never love someone so mentally fucked up!"

The voice softened.

"You wanna know why you're so mentally fucked up, Joey?? Because of ME. And the last blow that sent you off the edge? That was because you had sex with a man, you fag."