Sobriety House // Brendon Urie

eight // just. shut. up.

I THINK IMA DO THIS CHAPTER IN BRENDONS POV NEXT. :)))))))

ENJOY.

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Thursday // August 28th // 1:00 PM

Yesterday sucked. Like really sucked. I feel like I am getting nowhere with my one-on-one therapy sessions. Every since I was younger, I could never find a therapist that I liked. In my lifetime, I have probably gone through at least 6 different ones by just switching when I feel like I can't actually benefit. It is hard for me to speak to someone who I feel is just paid to care.

I just wanted progress. I wish. I wish there was progress. Believe it or not after the past series of events I wanted someone to talk to. Someone to go to. But I didn't feel that with this therapist. Not even a bit.

Today we have group. I am actually nervous being that this is the first time I might have to talk Brendon after I ruined is life for the next couple weeks. He hates me right? He has to. I basically took away his music privileges and almost led him back to his old dealer. If that ain't back tracking it with a friendship I don't know what is.

Group was set to start at 3:00. I dragged myself into the shower while ignoring all of Charlottes questions. All of them being about sneaking out and my progress and UGH.

The more I put into my appearance helps out my day. If I look better, I feel better right?

I actually did a full face of makeup and after drying out my hair I tied it into a loose side braid. I put on a pair of high-waisted shorts I cut from a pair of old Levis, a black cropped tee, and an oversized mustard yellow cardigan. 

Surprisingly I was still about 30 minutes early for group so I might as well start sucking up and help set up the chairs. Gotta get on this house's good side some how huh? Setting up all of the chairs took no time at all and before I knew it I was done with time to spare. 

All finished, I turned around and was collided with a familiar set of brown eyes. I felt like our bumping into one another lasted far too long. My hands awkwardly set on his chest before I broke the silence and mumbled out a sorry as I scooted past him.

Of course he would've been the first down stairs. There was a tension. I couldn't differentiate whether it was sexual or pure hatred to be honest. I just kept my distance as best as I could.

Group was horrid. Shocker right? I am just loving it here. It seemed to be the same as last time. Nobody wanted to talk or really open up except for the same three people. Some argued and it was cut short. Stevie sat in this time. He felt the need to lecture us as to why we are all here and review the ground rules. Clearly I feel attacked.

After group Charlotte excitedly pulled me off to the side.

"Hey! Wanna help me make dinner tonight? On Thursday's we do family dinner and I usually cook." She was practically gleaming. She would honestly be the perfect housewife. 

"Sure, what are we making?" I smiled back at her. That was clearly music to her ears as she pulled me into the kitchen immediately grabbing tons of things out of the cupboards.

"Lasagna. We'll get it started and in the oven then work on the garlic bread and the salad"

We turned up the music and danced around the kitchen. It was actually a blast. Surprisingly. In the midst of our fun, I noticed Brendon stroll past the kitchen peeking in. I was smiling and laughing while he just looked completely and utterly miserable. Before I knew it he was gone and my good mood was as well.

Sitting down at dinner wasn't completely horrible. Everyone was very talkative and I got to know a couple more people in the house.

I tried to keep up the good mood but I couldn't get Brendon out of my mind. 

Come on Jane. You cannot do this. The whole dinner he just glared at me. It felt like the way Edward stared at Bella in Twilight. 10/10 daunting.

 After dinner clean up the crowd slowly dwindled as everyone went into their rooms and off to do their own things. A large group went into the basement to play board games leaving only a few in the main portion of the house.

I went into the lounge area with my iPad so I could work on some of my digital drawing for a few hours before bed. It was nice to have some alone time. I used my iPad to do hand-lettering and digital calligraphy. It was my escape. For a while it helped all my negative thoughts and mood leave my brain.

My silence was interrupted by slipper footsteps entering the room. I looked up to see Brendon with his two laptops and his gear jumbled in his arms.

"Didn't know anyone was in here. Sorry." Only a cold remark and with that he spun around and was out the door. It was past cold. He just said it with pure attitude. I was genuinely irritated at that point. My thoughts getting the best of me, I left my tablet on coffee table and decided to go after him.

"Seriously? Can we just grow up" he didn't even look back at me or acknowledge that I as following him at this point. So me...being stupid Jane just kept following till I got some sort of response.

I don't know what I wanted to be honest. I told myself that we shouldn't talk. So why do I even care that he hasn't spoken to me in a couple days? It's not like he doesn't have a right to be upset with me. He does. 

But here I am. As much as I hated to admit it I was just craving his attention. Positive attention. I wanted to feel the happiness, freedom, open-mindedness that I felt the other night on the fire escape. 

My mind was all over the place. It felt as if I was doing some crazy wild thing when in reality I was just following him for answers. I trudged after him upstairs until he went to close his bathroom door in my face while I used my arm to block it.

Hands on hips. I tried to look intimidating. He clearly didn't like that I pushed boundaries and followed him up here. He was stepping towards me but I didn't let down my guard. I couldn't distinguish the look on his face. I couldn't tell how he was feeling but I didn't care. I had so much hate for myself and this situation built up I needed to be angry and release.

"I'm fucking sorry ok? I am sorry I got your privileges taken away. I know I am not a great influence but damn. I heard what Steve said and I get why you dislike me now. Hell I even hate myself a bit! I can't-" my raised voice and rant were cut off by a pair of lips crashing into mine. 

You know in movies when they say sparks? Fireworks? How in Princess Diaries there is the leg pop?

Not leaving my lips he backed me up in to the counter. His course hands were on either side of my face. Lowering his hands, he lifted me onto the vanity, my legs wrapping around his waist bringing us closer. My hands in his hair strengthening the kiss. 

Eventually he pulled away and I sat there in awe. Both our breathing heavy. Our foreheads still in tact.  Wide eyed. Shocked. I was speechless. I tried to talk. I even opened my mouth but nothing could come out. What just happened.

"Just. Shut. Up."

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