The Secrets We Share

TWENTY FOUR

noah

Cast out. Alone. No one who would love me the way Dawn would, ever again. If it even had been love. 

The words rolled around my empty head as I stayed outside Dawn's house for god knew how long. Ages, maybe. Could've been minutes. Time was not an accurate measurement for me. But when the morning sun turned to afternoon, high in the sky, I stepped off her driveway and into the shadow of a green bush. I smelt the flowers, and thought of Dawn. 

No. Stop. She's not yours anymore. You hurt her, Noah. You. 

I grabbed a beautiful light pink blossom from the bush, ripped it off, and without noticing what I was doing, lifted it to my nose and breathed in its scent. 

Then I promptly shredded its dainty leaves onto the ground like a trail behind me as I continued to walk.

Away from her house.

Away from Dawn. 

Stop thinking about her, goddamn it. 

I clenched my fist around the last petal, then let it fall, crumpled, to the concrete path. 

I couldn't do this. 

I pulled out my phone and without letting myself think for a second, I called her.

Well, that was stupid. 

But somewhere inside of me, a little ray of hope shone, like a part of me believed that she would pick up and everything would be alright.

The ringback tone rung on and on and on. As expected, she never picked up. 

Stupid, I sighed. Can't you do something right for once?

A couple of streets later, I found myself outside my house. It looked the same through my already tired eyes, though it seemed like there was something different about it...

Oh right. My mother's car stood in the driveway. That meant she was home- a rare thing to happen, especially after all her odd shifts at random times. And indeed, the front door clattered open and a figure was outlined in the doorway, one hand on the handle.

"Noah?" She called. Even from a distance, I could hear the expectancy in her voice. 

"Mum." 

And suddenly, I had this urge to dash up to her and put my arms around her thin body and just cry my heart out into her shoulder, knowing that many other people across the globe did not have a mum to run home to, let alone a family. 

Dawn might not have a mother anymore. 

I prayed inwardly that her mother was safe. My fault or not? It must be mine. My fault. 

Carefully hiding these thoughts behind a blank face, I slowly walked up towards Mum, and when we were a metre apart, she looked me straight in the eye for a long second and then hugged- no, strangled me. 

I hugged her back fiercely, remembering my childhood years- before we drifted apart. 

At last, she pulled back and surveyed me with a mother's eye. "You alright?"

My brain told me to say 'yes' but my heart told me to say- 

"No."

Her mouth dropped a fraction, but she lifted her head and said firmly, "That is my fault. I'm so sorry I haven't been a good mother to you, Noah. I'll try for you, and I promise I'll be better-"

"It's not you I'm talking about," I cut in, hesitating. "I'm not angry at you for anything." I wondered if I should tell her about Dawn's mother, the accident...