I dated twins...

the truth

i was in the bathroom alone for once and as i stood in front of the mirror i stared at my stomach. turns out i hadnt put weight on. i had put a bun in the oven. god how on heaven and earth did i miss this. i mean i was never skinny skinny but i should have noticed a baby bump right? Right?!

crystal knocks on the door and i pull my dressing gown over me and walk out. "hey you okay?" i shook my head. "ive been gone from home ages, this is the first place i have stayed long enough to even consider it home and then i find out im pregnant, shouldnt i have noticed im pregnant? i mean yes im happy about it, but what do i tell taron?"

"you dont actually have to tell him anything" i stared at her with a broken heart. "im not getting rid of it crystal" she laughed "no i meant stay at the safehouse with me and when the baby is born ill look after it but it will know us both as its mother" i laughed "thats the strangest yet best idea you have ever had you know that?!" she laughed too with a nod.

"i am full of incredible ideas like that" she put her arm around myu waist and walked me back to the side room. "i dont know what i would do without you" she hugged me as I pulled my top back down.

"We need to be quick so let's get some stuff and-"

"Let's just go being here is making me think of everything I missed and I don't want to be there yet" she nodded and we left her house.
We walked to the car me with a cap and sunglasses on with my coat wrapped around me.
We sung as soon as we got into the car and started to drive.
The radio was blasting our favourite song. She had sick bags in her bag and I had already used about four after screaming so hard.
This baby really was messing with my body.

I started to think about what I would call it. If it was a boy or a girl. What clothes I could dress it up in. Whether it would be safe. Or if it would be weirded out by two mums. I smiled rubbing my stomach. Before I didn't really want a baby. I wasn't ready and I couldn't think of anything else more horrific in my 20s to do than have a kid.
Now though? Now I feel this new kind of love and I'm excited. I like this bump. It's like hugging myself is actually possible. Thinking there's a little me or Taron in there. Whether it would grow up with chris' attitude. Or whether it would call her mum or crystal or Chris?
I smiled happily to myself even more thinking about it being a baby and me and her arguing who gets to hold it first.

Then it hit me. This child will never know about his or hers dad. They will never know Taron. Or love him as I have done. Or their impossible but kind uncle.
Gladly though they may never have to feel the fear and overwhelming sense of suffocation as I have in the past year.
My smile weekends as I grabbed another sick bag and released yesterday's breakfast from my digestive system.
Crystal rolled her eyes watching me fill another sick bag.

"Seriously girl your going to have to calm it down on the sick because we still have a way to go and we're nearly out of sickbags unless you feel like sticking your head out the window and puking like that" she said with a warning tone making me laugh. I hadn't noticed but my cheeks were wet and I wasn't laughing anymore.

"We're not going to be a family Chris, I mean I know we have you but we don't have Taron and I just-" I cried breaking down beside her. God these mood swings were killing me. The baby started kicking which made me feel even worse.
"I know honey I know but you have to understand it's for the best, the baby could be put in danger if it finds out" I nodded and closed my eyes trying to calm down and hopefully drift off to sleep.

In the blink of an eye we were outside this cozy little modern cottage. Crystal helped me out the car and bring me inside before going to get her bags. I sat by the fire warming myself not caring about my beautiful surroundings.
Crystal wrapped her arms around me and allowed me to cry again and just breakdown.

"How am I supposed to keep his child from him" she shook her head. "We'll do our best" she said with a tainted voice. A mix of sadness and comfort lingered in her words.
I shook my head "it's wrong Chris it's his child too?" She stared at me with that look that people give you when they're empathetic but both of you know they're right and it sucks because it makes you feel even worse.
We sat there warm and silent for a while just trying to grasp the situation.
She suggested something to eat but I denied any food for the fear the baby would just reject it.
So instead we put the tv on and just relaxed for as long as we could...