Confused, silent, and suicidal

Blades and Blood❤️

I ran into the largest bathroom stall to do the thing that's come so easily to me.

I reached in my back jeans pocket and pulled out my mini razor, I rolled up my left arm pink sleeves up to my elbow crook and pressed the knife deep into my skin and pulled it down making a straight line.

I let out a pained sob, the first cut is always the most painful, until you get used to it.

I pulled the knife out of my skin and looked down to find one deep cut with blood oozing out at record speed, I felt dizzy for a second but quickly regained composure to finish the harm I frequently cause to myself.

I pulled the knife down on my skin once more, only not as deep, I dragged it across the surface of my acne free skin, letting another choked up sob escape my lips, poor arm, it didn't do anything to deserve this shit. I was going to stop right there and wash the blood off... Until the voices came back, urging me to continue.

' Take it out on yourself'

" No", I whispered to myself. " Go away."

'Cut yourself'

Just a cut.

Just a scratch.

'What is that mark?' The voice taunted.

" It was the dog", I lied to myself.

Just an excuse.

Just a lie.

' What's with all the bracelets? ' the voice inside asked once more.
"Just fashion, why?", I sobbed.

Just a tear.

Just a scream.

' Why are you crying, Genesis?", the voice asked wickedly.

"Because of you", I choked. " Just a bad dream."

' Oh, but it's not just a cut, or a tear, or a lie... It's always one more until you die, they never loved you, no one ever will, they'll understand once your gone.' The voices said in unison.

The voices always seemed to sound like the souls of the dead, like they're coming back to haunt me, voices of other people who took away their own life to be "happy"

" I'm screaming in the silence.", I whispered to myself bringing the razor down on my left arm once more.

' Good, nobody would care if you left' the voices said with evil pleasure.

I let out a low pained scream, while my tears were streaming down my cheeks.

I was about to bring the knife down once more to cut through my skin, until I heard her voice.

"Genesis?", I heard Nicole ask, worry visible in her voice. " Genesis, is that you there's blood on the floor."

I shut my mouth, and looked to down to find my fresh blood dripping from my arm onto the bathroom floor.

' Don't say anything, she can't know you're in here, she really doesn't care' I heard the voice say.

I thought it was gone. I felt like I was going insane, so I screamed, a loud ear- piercing scream.

"Genesis!", I heard her scream. " Open the door."

I stepped down from my curled up position on the toilet, and slowly made my way to the bathroom door. I brought up my bleeding, shaky hand and hesitantly unlocked the hinges.

I stepped out, with blood dripping from my arm, to come face to face with a drained Nicole, who immediately pulled me into an embrace.

I couldn't hug her back because the pain in my hand had gotten extreme, and the dizziness feeling constantly washed over me; I was loosing to much blood.