Left Handed Queen

LEFT-HANDED QUEEN

by Bitter Ocampo

            Am I sitting on a wheelchair? I think I am but the chair is not still, it’s moving. Why am I here anyway? And what the hell did I have here? I was about to move the queen with my right hand, what happened? Oh now I remember clearly.

            I remember how my life was. When I was 9, my father brings me to school. I can still remember the smell of a new flourished grand piano waiting for me to play it. I always use the index of my right hand to play the first note. After every song, my proud eyes always seek for smiles coming from my fellow students and to my teacher. My hungry ears seem to be satisfied by the encouraging and gratified words also coming from them. And then, always after a blissful morning, I walk for about a block to go to my ballet lessons. Aha, I always do this to warm up my lower limbs for the dancing and stretching. I can still see myself looking at the dance studio mirrors dancing and almost floating in the air with my perfect aerial moves. The smooth floor, the smell of my new Italian dancing shoes oh it is all coming back to me. And after a tiring day, I am always looking forward for my parents to come pick me up and go somewhere like in the mall, restaurant or even just go home, I will still be happy.

            One day, after I did my lessons, it is almost 5 but my parents didn’t show any signs of presence. I was just on the pavement, in front of the studio, looking on leaves as they dramatically fall on the ground of the highway. And then a very noisy car, not our car though, came rushing on the road routed to our street. With its red alarm on the top of it, the car suddenly stopped me and even my heartbeat. I walk, and then I walk faster until my feet suggest me to run quickly. I didn’t notice that I am in an intersection road and because of my unsure tears covered my eyes I didn’t notice that a mini-van was directly rushing to me. I’m sorry but after that I didn’t remember much. The next thing I knew was I was confined, immobile at the hospital while my parents’ funeral was almost ending. My body is so numb that even inside I can’t feel anything. I can’t even make facial expressions. When the news came to me, my only reaction was a drop of tear.

            The day after, I woke up feeling unusual. It seems like the hospital didn’t accept patients that day. I was a bit happy. To be honest I need nothing but silence right now. Then, the nurse came in to check, I think, my status. And then I realize that my body is a little stiff so I ask her to pull by bed so I can sit. While I am requesting her, I did recognize that I didn’t said a thing, probably I just ask her through my mind. But no, she actually heard it and I’m sure that my lips moved. To confirm my doubt, I threw the glass of water in the floor. I’m right. I didn’t hear anything. The nurse panicked when I threw the glass so she immediately called a doctor, while her patient is sitting on the bed with her hands on her ears, crying.

            It’s about midnight when I woke up again that day. Although I tried many times to convince myself that it was only a dream, sorry it wasn’t. The doctor printed out the results of the tests they did to me while I was unconscious. They printed it out and gave it to me so I can read it. Champ! During the accident, the van hit my nerves in the spinal cord making my ears unable to hear and my feet unable to walk. There is a tendency that I will never hear again if my ears were exposed to too much noise. I only remembered this much, cause other sentences are medically worded that I couldn’t understand a thing. All I know is a ballet dancer and piano player became immobile and deaf. What an unbelievable stroke of luck.

            Since my hands also have the tendency to become numb, my parent’s acquaintance Steve, bought me a wheelchair with a button and controller that allows me to move without touching its wheel. Steve almost became my grandfather, because I didn’t met my real ones, I grew up listening to his philosophy lectures and after a few minutes I will sleep, effective during nights. His ex-wife didn’t forgive him after she miscarried their baby, so my father asks him to live with us until their problem solved. Obviously his wife didn’t want him anymore, though he has nothing to do with it.  Because he never dated anyone after his broken married life, he always spends his time playing chess during Sundays. Oh I remember when I was 7, I went with him to their “playing grounds” as he said and slides, see-saws, and monkey bars came to my mind so I got excited. When we came to the place I became really disappointed to him because all I see are men in their late 50’s and old men. I immediately shouted to him that I want to go home. Steve smiled and just said “okay” as if he also wants to go.