you are in love

you can hear it in the silence

You're pressed against him.

There's music, soft, faint in the background—you're sure it's louder, but all you can hear is your heartbeat, pounding in your ears.

His hands are gentle around your neck. You're careful, trying not to step on his feet, but you manage to fail that multiple times.

"How do you fuck up this much?" He whispers. Even if his head is down, eyes on your feet to make sure you don't fuck up, you know there's a smile on his lips.

You wish you could see. You giggle, silently, shrugging. "I've never danced," you say. "You're my first dance, Beatz, how do you feel?"

He chuckles. "Am I supposed to feel proud?"

"Mhm," you nod, smiling, feeling the happiest you've been in so long.

He doesn't reply back. You two eventually fall into rhythm—even if you've never done this before, it feels natural, like you're supposed to be here, right then.

The silence is comforting. You'd often feel awkward, or try to make a conversation, but you feel safe here, with him. He makes you feel safe.

The feelings bring you in a realization.

You feel it, deep down, when his hands are warm and gentle on you, guiding you around—you feel it when he smiles shyly towards you, when you're across the table from each other.

And, now, when his body warmth is radiating off, and you sneak an arm around his waist to keep him there, you feel it.

—

you can feel it on the way home

The plane ride is the hardest.

During that time, you realize how much you truly miss all of your friends. One more than most, you realize, and you feel your heart sink at the feeling.

Sure, you know—you've known, everyone knows—but officially seeing Shadow, and doing the things you did with him, confirms it more than denies.

You were hoping it'd be the opposite. You wanted it to go away, but it didn't--it grew, and you wish it wasn't the case.

You miss him. You miss him so much, you wish you didn't have to go—you'd go back, if you could; there's so many things that you miss about him.

You stare at your phone for a little, realizing that he's probably also on a plane. You buy the internet, but end up rewatching Avenger movies, anyway.

When you get off the plane, you immediately go to him.

side: honey i'm home 😘

shadow: Why do you do this?

You smile, biting your lip, realizing, fuck—

You're fucked.

—

you can see it with the lights out

There's a routine between you two. Every night, around midnight, or whenever time you both get off—it's normally late for Shadow—you two call.

You started it years ago, calling Shadow every night, but he'd quickly deny it. Then, the whole phone number thing happened. But, now, it's different.

Even when you're tired, lying in bed, eyes barely open, he's there. You feel so safe, so content with him.

You hold the phone to your ear. You know he's streaming, and he has you muted for that, but you still feel loved, in a way.

Maybe not loved in the way you want, but, it's love.

The way he gets upset at his game, or mutes his microphone to say something to you. You smile, every time—you try to hide it, but you know he hears it.

"Goodnight," you whisper, one night, not expecting him to respond. You know he's busy and the last thing you want to do is bother him.

You're already half asleep, but you hear his response. With a smile on your face, you hear him say. "Night, Side," voice half-exhausted.

You're gone. Completely gone—years ago, you would've denied this; denied you love him—your best friend, but, now, it's different. So much different, and you do.

"Love you," it comes out unexpectedly. You say it, half asleep, not realizing—you don't even freak out, but your heartbeat suddenly grows louder.

There's a sigh. Then: "Yeah. You too, dumbass." 

—

you're in love

Ever since the wedding, you see a change in Shadow.

It's not dramatic. It's still the, "Shadow hates Side, Side loves Shadow" act, but, it seems different.

You just... feel airy—you feel free, you feel as though you can do absolutely anything with him. You're still nervous, you can barely form a proper sentence alone, but you still feel this sudden burst of happiness.

You're with Shadow, so of course you're happy.

In a recent drawing video, you can't help but notice how he's laughing at mostly everything you do. That's strange, certainly, but it warms your heart.

His silent, muffled giggle that you've grown to adore makes your heart skip—you don't even notice how you ended up like this, you don't even care anymore.

You're in love.

True love. 

It's silent one night.

You're sure he's asleep. Probably not—knowing him; he's just quiet. It's not unusual for him, but there's something that's hidden there. You'd pry, but you know it won't solve anything. 

So, you stay quiet, too, hoping it'll spark a reaction.

It does eventually. There's a sigh—your whole body wakes up; it feels as though it shifted dramatically. Your heart is in your throat—you'd feel pathetic if you pretended this didn't happen every so often. 

"Shadow?"

It's silent for another few moments. "You know how you always call me your best friend?" It's an odd question, but you're just relieved that he's not completely shutting you out like you had anticipated. His voice is distant—it's in another place.

You hum. "Yeah, man. Cause it's true."

He lets out a chuckle.

"Well, uh—" he stops. You imagine he's closing his eyes, deeply about to regret the words that are about to be spoken. "—you're mine, too. You're my best friend."

Oh.

From then on, you just know.