pops of color

i look

i look at you and i feel everything you should feel when you're so in love

i look at you and i feel extreme happiness causing me to smile so much my cheeks begin to hurt

i look at you and i feel safe, something that has been lacking in every relationship prior to you

i look at you and i see every future i could ever imagine, and you're in every single one

i look at you and i see my future wife, the person i hope to spend the rest of my life with

despite all of these magnificent things, i have to hide the truth about us to others

i look at my parents and know that they wouldn't support me with a woman

i look at my grandparents and know that they would never even try to understand how in love i am with a woman

i look at the society i live in and know that i would have to be careful about holding your hand in public

i look at the friends i have yet to tell and see them leaving me in their past, as others have

these things cause me to become terrified of officially coming out

i know that i would hardly be able to place a kiss on your cheek

i know that people would give us dirty looks if i were to walk down the street holding your hand

i know that some would yell vulgar things at us if i were to stand there with my arm around your waist

i know that parents would tell their children to look away

there is so much sympathy felt for those children, i used to be one of them

i know what it's like to see a gay couple and feel like maybe i am actually normal

i know what it's like to feel the pain in your chest whenever your mother criticizes these couples

i know what it's like to want to leave the room because your family is breaking your soul with every talk of sin they speak of

i know what it's like to want to scream at the top of your lungs because you just want to able to be in love

this has been the worst part of being so in love with such an amazing girl

i wish i didn't have to come out

i wish i wasn't something to hide from children

i wish i wasn't a disappointment just for falling in love

i wish that all that mattered was that i am happy

and i am so absolutely happy with you

i look at you and am ready to face all of these obstacles plus many more

i look at you and know that you are completely worth it

i look at you and am in love with my soulmate