Free
Free 'alas
Do you know how long
It took me
to escape this vicious cycle?
You're an open book
That I've read a hundred times
I was foolish,
always expecting a different ending
Your self destruction
reflecting upon your ego
Your level of pride higher
Than I ever hope to see you
Bursting at the seams
For what?
Demeaning, no filter
"I'm sorry, I was just angry"
"I didn't mean it"
"You make yourself an easy target"
When all I did was tear off
bite size pieces of my heart
Without ever being replenished
The toxicity so strong
You couldn't even taste it
There's a difference between you and me
The words rolling off your tongue,
Into my head
Not anymore.
But do you know of the toll they took?
I was dumb
And clearly wrong
I wish you'd understand
You get one.
This isn't some nonfiction novel
Or hopeless romantic love song
This is real life
Where problems don't disintegrate like magic
You must deal and peel for a solution
The weight is gone
The knot is gone
The lump in my throat, non existent
Red eyes, sleepless nights,
headaches vanished in thin air
You should have seen the pain you caused
The one I hid from the world
Look and see
The makeup residue and tear-stained pillows
Stuck upon where I lie my head at night
For I am now stronger
The chain's weak link has been broken
I've overcome this
I know better
Thank you for clearing the path
Of my self worth, realized.
"Why do you even stay?" you'd ask
I never seemed to have an answer.
My heart is bigger than my mind can bare
My hands too small to carry.
I wish you could see
The kind of person you are
Through the eyes of someone
With realistic clarity
Me.
Who was once smothered under your wings of despair
A victim of your toying and self loathing
Your anchor of hopelessness
Your eyes open to someone
you could never be.
Wrapped around your finger
In more ways than one.
My value clear as day
I am human, animate.
Your intentions so pure,
Them in action, not.
Believe it or not, I used to be like you.
A lock on my door
A lock on my heart
A lock on my mind
A lock on my emotion
My sense of feeling poisoned and numbed by evil
Alone, afraid, apprehensive
"Isn't this too good to be true?"
Like touching cold water
Checking if it's worth diving in
Head first
Sensing change once again
Familiarity ripped away.
I know how you feel
I wish I could hold your hand
And teach you how to walk
Like a mother should do,
during your crucial 18 years of growth.
But
Bottle to your lips
Metal to your wrists
Honey, please put that down.
Searching, desperate for a solution
This isn't it.
From one to another, I hope you listen.
You're such a bright individual
With so much to offer
So much gleaming potential
If only you'd get off of her
You're young,
resilient even.
You don't even know where to begin
Knowledgeable in all the wrong ways.
Bursting with energy, and childish rage.
Not even that
was enough
to overcome your demons
Inconsistent.
I should hate you.
I think I do?
I hate who you've shown me
Who I should never become.
The deep, dark side
that shouldn't surface.
The list of things
I lost through you
Could probably reach further to your head
Than I ever could.
But now I am free.
Free 'alas
Free of your ways
Your lies
Your devilish touch
Your wrath and lustful manipulation.
Why did I ever think
that our schemful acts
Were ever okay?
You.
I let you in
At all the wrong times
In all the wrong places.
I hope one day
You wake of your nightmare
That is reality
Yours.
To see the wonderful man
That I know you to be.
This is goodbye for now,
for I must keep finding me.
Fire has met gasoline
For I hope you will see.
Good luck, my dear honey
For now I am free.
