The End

She could feel the cold of the snow biting at her bare feet, sharp pain like shark’s teeth gripping onto her. They were going numb, the blissful sensation of feeling nothing. The icy wind ripped through her threadbare clothes, snapping at her heels, and tugging at her hair, like she was a prisoner being forced to go on. The hills in the distance were covered with a layer of pristine snow, like iced cupcakes, with a few sparse decorations of trees and the odd frozen river. All showing the way there. The wind howled through the few trees, bouncing off the branches and echoing off the hills. She knelt down and buried her face deep into the snow, rejoicing as the frozen water washed away her fears, melting with the heat of her skin. There was nobody else around. She was totally alone. The sky was darkening with grey thunderclouds racing in from the distance, eager to be the first to get her wet. And then the heavens opened. Gallons of water came pouring out of the sky, so heavy she might as well have been standing under a waterfall. Like a drowned rat she continued on with grim determination, desperate to reach her destination. She tasted the salt on her lips and remembered home.

***

Christmas. A warm fire cackling under the mantle piece, laughing with the children who were playing with their new toys. The magnificent feast her mum had prepared, enough to feed the five thousand, but guzzled by the few hungry mouths. Curling up together on the sofa, listening to some music on the radio, and falling asleep to the warmth of the room, family conversation playing in the background like an old record.

***

The rain had stopped. She shook herself and continued onwards. She couldn’t regret her decision. She must not. She had made her choice and that was final. Shivering, she sat beneath a tree, and finished off the scraps of bread, taken from the display shelf of a bakery. She couldn’t regret that either. She would be paying for it later. Gathering herself up, she stood, and faced the setting sun; taking in its beauty as the radiance of the sunset dwindled and died. The oranges and pinks filled the sky with a hope and longing that surged through her. But she continued on. She couldn’t turn back.

Reaching the top of a hill, the snow up to her knees, and the rain water freezing on her back, she took in the scenery that was laid out before her, like a giant canvas painted with love and hopes of beauty. A magnificent lake was spread out before her, surrounded by leafless trees and empty fields. A great sheet of ice lay across the centre of the lake, spreading out, soon to reach the edges. She had to get down there before that happened. All this would be for nothing if the lake was frozen over. She was now so cold she couldn’t feel her fingers or toes. That would help; she didn’t want to feel it.

Scrambling down the hillside, she tripped and fell, grazing her knees and scraping her palms. The red of her blood stained the snow, like dyes colouring clothes, spreading as it followed the veins in the snow. But she kept going. Why should she stop? It was only some blood. Then her hematophobia took hold; glancing down at her knees, a wave of nausea swept over her. Watching the red liquid oozing out of her palms, she began to feel dizzy. Sitting down, she continued to watch, her gaze shifting from her palms to her knees, and then back to her palms. She blacked out.

***

It was cold; she pulled the blankets up around her chin, and snuggled deeper into her bed. She could hear them shouting already. It wasn’t even 9am and they were already at each other’s throats. Why? Why did they have to wake her up with their hate? Why couldn’t they just get a divorce and separate? She didn’t know the answers. They had been like this for the past few months. Always angry at one another. Always trying to prove they were the better parent. She wished they could see that she loved them equally. But they couldn’t see that. They were blinded by their anger and hate towards one another. Putting off the inevitable, she pulled the blanket over her head and tried to fall back asleep.

***

She woke with a start. Checking herself over, she noticed that the blood on her knees had frozen, leaving a dirty stain. She wiped her hands on her trouser leg, and hauled herself up onto her feet. It was now pitch dark. It was a cloudless night, but it was a new moon, and all the stars had deserted her, not wishing to bear witness to her fate. She understood. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the lake. Perfectly still, waiting, like the calm before the storm.

She approached silently. Careful not to break the peaceful silence, the early morning air sent fresh chills up her back. Taking a look around her she could see the tall, bare trees standing guard around the lake. The hills, draped with fresh covers of snow, cut the area off from the outside world. The cold of the air filled her nose; painful in a way she couldn’t explain. There was no sound except from the crunch of the snow as she crept forward down the pier. The ice on the pier sent new stabs of cold up her legs, towards her heart, its steady beat beginning to waver, like a drummer who didn’t know the whole song. She stopped right at the edge of the pier.

Why she had chosen here she did not know. She didn’t even know where ‘here’ was. She had fled, tried to get as far away as possible. Maybe when they found her, they would make up, love each other again. If the problem were removed then everything would be all right. That’s what she had been telling herself. It was all her fault. It had to be. They were arguing because she wasn’t good enough. She didn’t reach up to their expectations. And they were blaming each other for her faults. So she had left. Simple. Without a word, whilst all was silent, she had written a note and crept out of the house. She hadn’t even looked back. And now here she was. In the middle of the countryside, all by herself, believing that no one loved her. Well. She would fix that problem.

Taking a last look around her, remembering all the good times and all the amazing wonders of life, she sent a silent prayer up to God. And jumped.