The Letters For Those Left Behind

Coming Home

I sighed and checked my watch again. I really hoped the plane made it on time and I wouldn't have to wait here any longer than I need to.

"Karen!" a voice shouted. I smiled as I saw Cole run up to me. "Where's Amanda?"

"Wow I don't even get a hello?" I laughed.

"Sorry." he said running his fingers through his golden blond hair. "Just excited to see her. I gotta tell her something important."

"Wait a second." I said following him to the baggage claim of the airport. "Does this something important have to do with you two actually talking about feelings?"

"Possibly." he said grabbing his suitcase and giving me one of his trademark winks.

"So you're gonna tell her that you love her?" I asked leading him to the car parked outside.

"Yep." he smiled. "I'm nervous about it Karen."

"Don't worry." I told him as I opened the trunk. "She'll be happy to hear it. I mean she's only been waiting four years to hear you say it to her."

 "Well...shut up." he said making me laugh.

"Aw. Has anyone every told you how adorable you are when you're embarrassed?" I asked as we got into the car.

"Amanda has every single time she sees me." he admitted looking at his feet.

"H.O.H?" I asked.

"H.O.H." Cole laughed.

"Why do we even use abbreviations?" I asked as I began driving.

"Because Amanda loves them and no one can say no to her puppy dog eyes." he said with a smile. "I really do love her."

"Only took you a couple years to figure it out." I laughed. "But in all honesty I would slap you for giving her as much trouble as you did."

"Wouldn't blame you for doing it." he sighed.

Cole Wilson was basically my brother. We grew up next door to each other and were best friends with Amanda Rose and her cousin Adam Mendez. The four of us had always been very close and no one was very surprised when me and Adam got together last year. But the age gap between Amanda and Cole had always meant they couldn't get together, no matter how much they both wanted to. Luckily it was only three years and Amanda and Adam graduating high school meant that she and Cole could finally get together.

We spent most of the car ride to her house in a complete sense of chaos, well if the cousins wonder were there it would've been chaos, making jokes and telling stories and just being ourselves. Nothing could ruin our good mood. Or so we thought.

When I pulled up to the Rose's house I saw an ambulance and Adam sitting in the grass holding his head in his hands. I parked and quickly took off my seat belt and ran to my boyfriend.

"Adam what's wrong?" I asked the flashing lights giving me a good look at his tear stained face.

"Amanda..she-" he said before he started sobbing.

Cole knelt down next to us when he came over and put a gentle hand on Adam's shoulder. "What happened to Amanda?" he asked, concern filled his blue eyes.

"She...she shouldn't have done it." Adam said finally looking up and shaking his head.

"Shouldn't have done what?" I asked slowly, fearing the worst had happened to my best friend.

"What did Amanda do?" Cole asked.

"She killed herself." Adam said right as the paramedics came out of the house pulling a gurney with a black cover on top of the person lying on it.

I felt the earth give out beneath me and everything went fuzzy. The lights didn't matter, the chattering of the neighbors didn't register, I could barely hear Cole and Adam's cries as the words of my boyfriend registered in my mind.

My best friend in the whole entire world is dead. Her cousin had to deliver the news to me and her would-be boyfriend. Her parents had to be heartbroken. I thought of her smile, one that made even the rainiest days sunny. I thought of her laugh, one that always cheered you up when you were sad. I thought of her eyes, the brown ones that would always meet  Cole's blue ones in a challenge. I thought of her hair, the thick brown locks and Adam would always mess with and she'd slap him because he knew fully well that she hated people touching it. I thought of her clothes, comfortable and lazy probably soaked through with blood by now. I thought of her room, messy but organized where she'd never worry over whether or not someone touched her pillow. I thought of her family, the ones that would never be the same now that she was gone. I thought of her personality, one that was written all over her face and forced you to notice her. I thought of the guys in town, fawning over her no matter how many times she told them she wasn't interested. I thought of Cole, the only guy she'd ever had a crush on. I thought of Adam, her cousin and greatest friend. I thought of myself, the one friend that should've been there for her tonight. I thought of Amanda, the only person in the group who would not live to see the happy ending she deserves.

I looked around, seeing but not hearing. I saw Adam's parents hugging Amanda's parents. I saw the neighbors trying to ask the paramedics something. I saw the paramedics get in the ambulance and drive away. I saw myself on the grass outside my best friends house with her cousin and his best friend crying. I saw myself refuse to listen to reason. I saw myself as I truly was that night, a scared child who didn't know what to do.