This one shot is based on the song Why by Shawn Mendes
Perrie
No one compares to her.
I know she's the one that I want, she's the one that I love. But things just can't be that easy.
She's Jade Thirlwall, my bandmate. But to me, she's more than just my bandmate. She's my everything, but at the same time she's like my curse.
It's like we're playing a game, we want each other but no one will break first. But I'm at the verge of breaking.
Me and Jade have this 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. We both knew we like each other, but lately I know I don't just like her.
I'm in love with her, and she doesn't know.
I can't just tell her, I don't know if she feels the same. But having her close to me, and at the same time knowing that she's not mine, breaks me.
When people ask about us, we just brush it off. And I don't know why we act like it means nothing at all, because we're really not that subtle. We would often hold hands and act all sweet to each other that our fans also started shipping us. Because if you look really close, we really do look like we are together.
I just wish I could tell her.
Sometimes, I just pretend that I'm not ready but I know I'm just fooling myself. I'm just scared of the fact of losing her, the fact of her rejecting me. I can't handle that.
I tried getting over her, I spend a lot of nights trying to find someone new, but it just won't work. I realized they all meant nothing compared to her.
We're currently at the studio working on our new album, and she just proudly presented her new written song to us. She started humming a tune and began to sing.
When I hear her sing, it gets hard for me to breathe. I can't help but think that I'm her inspiration for every song that she writes. She just amazes me in every way, her brown chocolate orbs sparkles as I get drowned in its depth.
As usual, the song she wrote is really perfect just like her. She always knock me away with her beautiful mind. We all gave her an applause and praises when she finished and I just can't take my eyes off her. She turned to me and flashed me her perfect smile that makes my heart beat a million times faster.
"How was it, baba?" she asked me with her cute voice.
"I love it, Jadey. You're such a great songwriter." I replied, still can't take my gaze away from her perfect face and those brown orbs that I love.
"Thank you, Pez. And so are you." she giggled.
I looked down as I try to hide my blush, and pretended to be writing my own song again. I just can't get my mind off her, that every word, every line that I write, she is the muse in the back of my mind.
Every night that I have her, every night that we spend together in bed, I wish that I could do it with her forever. And every morning I wake up alone, I come crashing back to reality that she's not mine. I don't want to ask her about it, afraid that she would just brush it off. I'm afraid to know that she thinks all of this just means nothing.
I don't know why we put each other through hell, or let's just say it's only me suffering. She seems fine about everything. She says 'hi' like she just met me whenever we are on public or with other people, and then act all lovey dovey at night. I don't know how she seems fine, while all of this just tears me apart.
After our studio session, I got back to my flat, Jade texted me that she can't be with me tonight, as she will meet up with her friend. I sighed and made my way to my room.
As I enter, every corner of my room just takes my mind back to the brunette beauty I'm in love with. Every night we spend together here in my room all cuddled up flashes in my head, is this really just a casual play for her?
As I look around my room, something caught my eye. It was a picture of me and Jade, my favourite picture of us actually. It was at my bedside table, and never did once she noticed this picture everytime we are together in my bed. It was a picture of us doing silly faces together, I picked it up and as I looked into the picture, I know that I'm done pretending.
I'm done being afraid.
Just as I'm about to reach for my phone and call her, it rang. And it was Jade.
"Hello? Jade? Jade, can I, can I tell you something? Let's meet up." I said immediately, not letting her speak first.
"Perrie, actually I'm on my way to your place, I also need to tell you something." she replied. Her tone hopeful.
"Uhm okay, I'll be waiting for you. Take care, Jade." I said, almost letting those three words slip off of my mouth.
Not too long, I heard a knock on my front door, I rushed to open it and reveal Jade. I let her in and we sat on the couch.
"Uhm, you speak first." we both said at the same time and let out a small giggle at how in sync we are.
"No you, you go first." She said, urging me to speak first as we held each other's gaze.
"Uhm, I really don't know how to say this to you, but I'm done pretending. Jade, you mean so much more to me than you think. I know we promised each other not to get feelings involved, but I broke my promise." I stared at my favourite brown eyes that I fell for.
"Jade I, I love you. I'm in love with you." I mentally prepared for the worst, ready to get slapped or for her to walk out my door and never come back. But instead, she let out a giggle.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"What?"
I was surprised when her lips crashed on mine, kissing me passionately. It got me off guard, but I kissed back, as my mind try to take in all that's happening.
We pulled away when air became an issue, we looked into each other's eyes as I savor this moment being close to her.
"I love you too, Perrie. I'm in love with you."
Everything goes blank in my head except her. Except us.
I felt my heart beating a million times faster, as I see sincerity in her brown eyes. All I think about is her.
I flashed her a big smile, then closed the gap between us. Feeling like I'm floating on cloud nine as I let everything sink in.
"You make me so happy, Jade. I love you so much."
A/N: Hope you all like this one!
