Songs of Milan

Remorse.

     i am hurting, and i refuse to stop it ..
 
    what is it about me? what drowning deficiency do i possess that you do not want?
   everything is fine until i don't get you high anymore, once reality forms in the center of the bed you craved.. possibilities.. two strangers who share a bed.. as close as i can ever get to you .
    you love when i am hollow, as the tip of your finger tastes my figure.. but you never ask for more.. the word "no" never makes it past my conscious and i never ask questions.. this is the role i've practiced for years.. lights.. camera.. strike a pose.. you choke me til my veins start to shiver

   i am hurting, and i refuse to stop it..
  
   maybe i stay because sometimes i feel that being disrespected is better than being alone, i cling to your existence to escape loneliness, you cling to my bed to feel complete
   you've introduced me to myself..
   what does it feel like to breathe in this very moment? vulnerable. i wish that i could be as empty as you..
    i'm trying not to think about you.. not to give into the amusement of your smile.. kill me with confusion
    command attention within the shallow dips of this lonely trigger
    if this isn't what you wanted.. then why did you meet me in the field of desire? forbidden rivers ..
    open your memory, strip away every forbidden part of me
    solidify your position, to gain permission to steal a kiss
    you don't know me, and i don't want you to, the person i am will only shape shift your vision of not who but WHAT you want for me to be, a drift to obliterate righteousness as you course me to open my bed to you.. a distraction of affection deviated into affliction, to subside from your actions.. we're too different.. i'm too complex, too observant and precautious.. you're raw.. empty, i want to feel you in every way before one.. explore your mind with my mouth and drown in your pain, i want you naked.. comfortable.. the part of you i cannot possess, i'm on a memorable addiction ..
   naked mind, invisible sex
   i saw you, potential in your eyes.. potential to taste the nectar, potential to make me cry, the potential to be empty.. potential to be potential
   i'm black and white.. endless time, you're bright and eventful.. limited
   resonating interest in my conflicted admiration, you're every part of what every girl  should run from.. silk pressed suit.. camera ready.. lights, camera.. strike a pose
    i'm hurting and i refuse to stop it ..
    blew a fuse in my conscious, surrendered all conflict.. i won't leave, because i can't.. who else is going to fuck me up inside better than you?
    i am hurting and i refuse to stop it..
   
    why do you do this to yourself? .. come undone
     did they drag you here? rip off your crown and sacrifice your kingdom? did you miss the feeling of being wanted in heat? did they make you feel alive? did they make you feel whole, anew ?.. i am only to you what you can feel
     you should see me in a crown..
     why did you do this? you wanted it Milan.
     i am hurting, and i refuse to stop it.