Waste it on Me (Kim Namjoon X reader)

Chapter 16

"Sorry folks, the power went out." You heard the employee yelling out from below. You could hear the passengers groan in unison. You sat at great heights in the dark. You could see lights from the city, but nothing near your vicinity. Your heart was beating faster and your palms sweating. Like any normal person, you were terrified of heights. The carrier sharted shaking and you let out a little scream.

"Don't worry, it's just me." Namjoon said.

"Why are you moving?" you asked, your voice shaking.

"I just want to be closer to you. You're scared, right?" he asked. You nodded, but then felt dumb because he probably couldn't see you well.

"Y-yeah." you answered. You felt his warmth getting nearer you, his arm wrapping around your shoulder. You didn't shake him off. You couldn't tell if it was because you were too scared to do anything or if you had really wanted him to hold you like this. Nonetheless, you let him wrap you up.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry." he said. His breath was shaky, maybe he was getting teary. You didn't know why, who were you to make him like this.

"It's fine. Is Seol okay?" you asked, knowing that she was the real person that he cares about. He sighed and said nothing for awhile.

"She's fine. Well, not really, she's sick and she faints like that sometimes." he explained. But there wasn't any worryness in his voice, which surprised you.

"I guess you'll be busy taking care of her then." You dreaded thinking about the two of them constantly being together. It wasn't your place, you know, he deserves love too.

"What?" he asked, genuine confusion in his voice.

"What? You didn't take the opportunity to confess to her?" you asked.
You're so stupid, it was a good chance. And that song would have been perfect too. "

"I did confess to her."

You flushed, feeling embarrassed. Of course he would have confessed to her. "Oh, I see-"

"But it wasn't love that I felt for her, it never was. Y/N, I was such an idiot. And I'm so sorry that I hurt you, mentally and physically. You should be mad at me, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you." he said, leaning his head on yours. His arm pulled you closer to his body. You inhaled in his scent, it was welcoming and calming.

"The rest of your life?" you asked. It sounded nice, but it probably wasn't what you were expecting.

"Y/N, I know I realized it too late but you're the one that I have feelings for." Even though you've heard his confession before, it felt surreal this time. But you shook your head.

"You're only saying that because she didn't return your feelings." you said. You were starting to get annoyed at this point. Namjoon has no idea what he wants.

"No, that's not true. I mean, yes, she did, but she helped me realize what you mean to me. When I found out you were missing, I went crazy at the thought of never seeing you again. And it was worse when I realized it was my fault. I will never let you go again."

"Namjoon, you have no idea what you feel. And I cannot just wait forever for you to finally realize it. Sure you might think you know it now. But like that day, you turned your back on me so quickly. You wouldn't listen to me, you wouldn't believe me. And it sucked, Namjoon. It hurt so much and it still does when I think about it. I cannot and will not just sit around and wait for you to make up your mind."

"Y/N, I know I messed up but just please give me a chance. Give us a chance."

"This time, I'm sorry. I can't return your feelings. That incident showed me who you are. My father told me that you don't know someone until you've seen them at their breaking point. As horrible as he was, it was good advice. That day, I saw how cold your eyes were towards me, and you had claimed that you develop feelings for me. People are always changing their minds. Maybe one day you'll end up hating me."

"Y/N, I would never."

"Well, the scars on my hand are forever. And I'll always remember how I got them." You heard him sniffle and it broke your heart but you had to stay strong. "I don't feel the same way about you anymore." you lied. "Love is nothing but a waste of my time. It makes you do such weird things, like how I blamed myself when you pushed me. I thought I wasn't good enough. I was killing myself trying to understand why you couldn't like me. But I knew I couldn't change a damn thing, yet I still hoped. That was my mistake. You made me understand that. But I wish you all the best."

"I understand." he said. But then he took a breathe and continued. "That doesn't mean I'll stop trying to get you. I will do everything in my power to make you like me again. I will make you believe in love."

"Namjoon..."

"I know your feelings can't just suddenly disappear. My feelings for you won't, not for a very long time. And I'll help you fall for me again." The arrogance returned in his voice and you rolled your eyes. At that moment, the lights turned on again. You looked at his face to see that he was already staring at you. His eyes held you like fragile glass. "You look beautiful tonight. I mean, I've always thought you were pretty."

"Stop it." you said, pushing him back to the other side. He laughed. "You're just saying that."

"Yes, I am just saying that, because it's true." he winked. You sighed, this would be a difficult task, to not fall for him any harder.