When The Darkness Comes

Cloudy Eyed Stroll

Simon really had no business being out at such an obscure hour, but he simply needed to clear his head. He was restless and figured what's the worst thing that could happen to him now that he's a vampire. It's not like he had to exactly worry about getting mugged or jumped.

And so, he found himself taking a stroll through the park before stopping in his tracks. Sitting on the park bench up ahead was another vampire, but not just any vampire; it was Raphael Santiago. He decided it would be wise to just turn the other way. He'd done enough damage, and it was probably best that he tried not to provoke the clan leader further. However, being Simon, he also decided to not be wise, and therefore he slowly made his way over to the bench to approach Raphael.

When he found himself standing over Raphael, his eyes were closed and he didn't even need to open them before saying "go away, fledgling."

Much to Simon's surprise, he didn't seem particularly angry or even at his normal level of annoyance, which was a little bit suspicious. So, rather than simply doing as he was told, Simon decided to speak to the clan leader.

"What are you doing here? It's almost sunrise," Simon pointed out, feeling a twinge of guilt about not revealing to Raphael how he had so miraculously acquired the ability to walk in the sun so soon after being turned. He knew that he had to keep his promise and he had a good reason for making it in the first place. Telling a single soul could put Jace and Clary's lives in danger, but still, he recognized that the other wouldn't even need to worry about sunrise if he simply told him the truth.

Raphael then opened his eyes and immediately gave Simon an eye roll. This caused Simon to grow slightly alarmed, not because of this typical action of his, but because it was then that he noticed that Raphael had been crying.

"I️ am well aware of what time it is, thanks," Raphael replied in a bitter tone.

Simon shrugged, balling his hands and shoving them into the pockets of his hoodie.

"So, what exactly are you doing then?" Simon pried.

Raphael sighed before pausing, allowing a moment of dead silence and stillness to pass.

"I'm going to watch the sunrise," he said wistfully, not providing further explanation upon Simon's bewildered expression. Perhaps he didn't even notice as his gaze was somewhere far away.

Simon blinked and shook his head, trying to understand exactly what the other was saying, or, rather, how it made any sense.

"Raph, you can't. I️ mean you're a-" Simon started to point out before abruptly being cut off by the older vampire.

"I know damn well what I️ am, and you of all people do not have the right to tell me what I️ can and can't do," he snapped.

This caused Simon to grow even more worried. Raphael always had little patience, but still he was clearly even more on edge than usual. As a demonstration of his persistence, Simon moved from his position and took a seat next to Raphael.

"I️ don't want you here," Raphael snarled, turning his head to look at the fledging.

He then took looked away again, taking a moment to collect himself. He placed his hands on his knees and let out a deep exhale before speaking once again in a much calmer tone.

"I️ just want to watch the sunrise one last time," he said softly.

Simon scrambled, moving toward the edge of the bench to get a better look at the other, hands shaking and eyes widening.

"Raphael, what are you talking about? You're starting to scare me," Simon admitted. It had sounded almost as if the elder vampire was trying to-

Raphael shook his head as more tears rolled down his cheeks.

"She's dead, Simon. My sister is dead along with my mother and all of my brothers. They're all dead. Everyone's dead. Hell, even I'm dead," Raphael lamented.

"Undead," Simon corrected, gently placing a hand on the other's knee.

Raphael met Simon's gaze. That was the same thing that Raphael had said to Simon the night he first turned. It was what he said to him when he wanted nothing more than to take away all of that pain and self hatred, but simply didn't know how. Now the roles were reversed. Simon wanted so desperately to take Raphael's pain away and to convince him to live, but he knew that he was the last person on the earth the older vampire would want to talk to. Still, he was there, and that would just have to be good enough. He would just have to be good enough.

"It's not natural," Raphael began. "Cheating death, living forever, watching everyone you loved in your old life grow old and die until you don't have anymore family left."

Simon knew that this wasn't about him, so he tried his best to brush off the weight of those words that indicated that he, too, would lose everyone and everything he ever loved someday one by one and there was nothing he could do about it.

"You do have a family. You're the one that told me that the clan is a family. Not to mention that you still have Magnus..." he started, trailing off when he saw the way that the clan leader jumped in alarm as a reaction to the mention of Magnus.

"Listen to me, Simon, you can't tell Magnus, okay? Tell him that after Rosa's death I️ just couldn't stay here anymore and had to go somewhere far away where I'd be better off," Raphael explained.

Simon shook his head.

"I️ can't-"

"You can," Raphael interrupted. "You can and you will. Magnus is with that Shadowhunter now and...and as much as I️ hate to say it, he's the happiest he's been in a long time and I️ can't ruin that for him."

"Then don't kill yourself for G-'s sake! Please," Simon shouted much louder than he intended to. He knew that he should've been more like Raphael in that moment; he should've been more like the strong composed leader who could seemingly handle anything. However, instead, he was still Simon. He was still a fledging; he was still an 18 year old emotional wreck with tears forming in his eyes and a kind of fear he had never felt before.

The clan leader was strong. He had always been strong, but now, he wasn't okay. Nothing was okay.

It was then that Raphael could no longer look the fledgling in the eye. His hands balled into fists by his sides as he clenched his jaw.

"This is my choice, and I've made up my mind," he said through gritted teeth. "All I️ want is to die peacefully, okay? That's all I️ want."

At that point, Raphael didn't even seem to be in the same state of distress that he was in before. Instead, it was replaced by something more despondent. Broken; empty, and that alone managed to tear Simon apart from the inside.

"Please don't do this," Simon breathed.

Raphael didn't respond. Instead, he simply shut his eyes. Even though Simon's vision was blurred with tears, he noticed the other wince in pain.

It was then that he realized that the sun was beginning to rise, and that he needed to get Raphael to safety.