Somewhere New..

A Bit About Me

Hi there, I'm Scarlet Smith, I'm 21 and my current location is London, England. I say current because come tomorrow that will all change because I'm moving, not just somewhere else in England, I'm moving to Sydney, Australia and yes I'm nervous, I mean who wouldn't be, moving somewhere new where you know absolutely NO-ONE, it's scary.

Okay, so I guess you want to know a bit about my past and why I'm moving, I'll tell you. It started back when I was about 12/13, I wasn't "popular" at school, I was one of the nerdy people who got grades A-C but I needed it to support my future career choice. I always dreamed of being a nurse and helping people or maybe even becoming a social worker or lawyer, something like that anyway. But because I was nerdy and into my studies and focused on getting the grades I needed I was picked on and bullied, that's when the real trouble started. I thought I could take it at first but then as time went by the words and things they done hurt more and more until one day I snapped, I guess you can say that, I picked up a sharp knife and cut my skin, yes I self-harmed. I then kind of regretted it because my family had to deal with seeing me break down and that broke my heart even more, by the time high school was over I had over dosed and cut so bad I had ended up in hospital a maximum of 5 times, by the 3rd time I was being told "you're very luck to still be here miss.smith" and I would always reply with "yeah, I know". but when I left high school at 16 I got home tutoring and attend therapy session to try and help me understand why I done what I did. It took a good year and a half but I finally started to understand why I self-harmed and I still remember my first session and one other very clearly. my first session was the worst because I was a new member, not to mention the youngest, but then the next week another person joined and they were a year older than me, so we sat together most of the time. I guess when you meet someone who's a year older than you and going through the same sort of troubles as you it makes you feel a bit happier because you have someone to relate to and you can help each other out. The person i met was a boy called Ashley and like I said he was there for similar reason, he didnt like to talk about it much so i dont really know the real reason he was there but a year later when I was 17 going on 18 I had started getting so I would no longer need to attend the sessions and that made me sad because I would no longer be there for Ashley, he said I made it easier for him to attend the sessions because he could relate to me and it made him happy. I honestly don't understand how I got over my fear and why I self-harmed in just over a year, they said treatment can take 2 years minimum. But after I left I kept in contact with Ashley and we had regular meet up until 2 year after I left because he left the following year and then a year later moved to America to start fresh and persue his dream of becoming an accountant. After that I hit a wall about 3 months after he left because I had lost my only friend, the only person who really understood me and could help me, so I rushed to the cupboard in the bathroom and took out the strongest pills I could fine and took the whole pack one after another after another until the last thing I remember was feeling hot and sweaty then passing out then once again waking up in hospital. It took me just a week to get over what I had done and how stupid I had been but this time I was allowed to recover at home and then a year later on the night of my 20th birthday I decided "that's it, I'm not gonna sit around here like this every birthday for the rest of my life with no friends" truth is the only friend I ever really had since everyone found out I self-harmed and overdosed was Ashley and he spent my 17th and 18th with me then just left. I still cry at that memory.

So now a year on aged 21 I'm making that change and moving far away from home and starting again. Somewhere new.