Misfit

7.Anger

Tw: panic attack, transphobia, bullying, self harm and mentions of the night with Zack.

Wait to start the song.

After the Christmas break, things felt different to Tyler. Every time someone would address him as a girl or his group as girls, his brain would suddenly stop any supply of serotonin to his body. It felt as if someone had just stabbed him every time he was addressed as a girl and he didn't know how much more he could take.

He was walking to History one day and it was packed. The doors going into the block were a nightmare to get through and the corridors were packed with people.

Tyler was with a few of his friends from that class and as they were going through a door, a year 8 pushed past him. By touching his chest.

Instant anger and embarrassment flared up in Tyler's brain and he felt himself calling the kid out.

"Would appreciate it if you didn't fucking touch my chest." He yelled to the kid who was a few feet away. The boy looked back at him with a dirty look on his face and looked like he wanted to punch Tyler.

"Well aren't you big and tough? Shut up." He shouted in response. People were starting to stare but Tyler didn't care as he felt rage pool at the bottom of his stomach.

"I'm not trying to be big or tough I just don't want a little kid pushing past me and touching my chest."

Tyler was going to just walk to history and try and forget about the incident when the kid said something that made Tyler just want to go home and never come back.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" The little kid laughed along with his friends. He heard the crowd that had gathered start to laugh and whisper about him.

"Just fuck off you piece of shit." Tyler shouted. He quickly walked off before the kid could react, leaving his friends behind. His heart was still thumping in his chest by the time he got to History and as soon as he got in he sat at his desk and put both of his earphones in.

The rest of the class started to fill in and the teacher started to talk about the Cold War but Tyler couldn't listen or concentrate. His heart was still pounding about what had happened and he was starting to get angrier and angrier and Tyler knew he had to get out of there so he didn't flip.

When the teacher stopped talking, Tyler went over to her desk and asked if he could go. She knew about his anxiety so she let him go straight away.

Start the song, it's Neon Gravestones- Twenty One Pilots.

Tyler walked to the Sixth Form Center to go and talk to the pastoral manager and try to get her to stop him from flipping. She was always good at that.

When he got there and went to the office, all it took was for Tyler to just look at her and she was opening the office to go to the private room in there. By this point Tyler wasn't breathing and he could feel tears starting to fill up in his eyes. He felt so conflicted about the situation. Mrs Day could help him, but he couldn't tell her, he was too scared and not ready to come out yet, but she would know what to do and say to help him. He couldn't do it though. He just couldn't. She would see him so much differently and not want to help him anymore.

The teacher sat patiently with Tyler, giving him reassuring words and promising that he was going to be okay and that she could help him. She couldn't though. She wouldn't know the first place to start. It was helpless. He was never going to get help with any of this. He wasn't ever going to get hormones or surgery. He wouldn't ever get to be a man.

The panic attack subsided and at this point Tyler was just crying. He felt so bad lately. Everything was just adding up and this was the final straw which had pushed him. he looked up shamefully at Mrs Day as she was still giving him comforting words. She smiled as Tyler managed to look at her for a second.