First Poem

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ASHAMED

I know you're ashamed of me.

The way you look at me.

The way you talk to me.

Or the way you talk behind my back.

I know you're ashamed of who I've become.

The way I disagree with everything you say-

The way I dress.

The way I talk.

To everything I do.

I haven't heard you say something nice to me in what feels like forever.

I haven't heard you speak a syllable of something, anything of what good would help me.

You say you're trying to teach me tough love, but I don't need tough love because then I can confuse it for a love with a man that could mentally or physically abuse me because he says the exact words.

And looks just like you.

And then you apologize every single time.

And I believe it for that one split second, but then that hope is destroyed.

With your own but-

The but of what you have been criticizing me of and then I'm ashamed of myself for believing you.

Of the sorry I thought you meant.

You didn't mean it.

And I'd act as if everything is okay.

When it's not.

But I have to act it or else you snuggle up to me trying to signal that get over it.

I love you.

I don't mean to say these things to be so mean.

I love you.

But it's hard to get what you mean because this doesn't feel like love.

When you tell me everything I do is wrong and just a disgrace.

"Stop it your embarrassing me."

But I guess I might not know what love is.

When I've never felt it.

Then when I do something or try something on.
You go and say well that's not you, but you expect me to change?

Change myself.

I don't understand.

The reasons why you do this to me.

I don't understand if you apologizing and you have a but in the mix.

You're not sorry.

The way you treat me.

You're not sorry.

The way you just talk and talk gossip behind my back.

You're not sorry.

Because if you were-

You'd stop.

You'd stop.

You're ashamed of me.

And maybe I should be to.

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