Glory & Gore

Chapter four: Nirvana

I woke up and I was so calm I thought I've reached my nirvana.

Last night I slept like a baby.

I almost killed myself,I almost found myself opening cracks on my body again.I was falling appart.while I slept little angels came and took my sadness again.

I smile.

It's 1pm I over slept.But I sure do feel great.

I got up and reached for my phone,checked if any of my "friends" said something,but only HE did.I smile,this guy is my paradise,he's the reason my body isn't falling appart,he keeps my skin togheter.He touches my skin in places others cant reach,and he does it with words.

I'm headed to the kitchen,my stomach is in agony,I need to eat.I woke up late so I have lunch already.

Spoon-food-mouth-chew

Spoon-food-mouth-chew

Spoon-food-mouth-chew

Spoon-food-mouth-chew

Spoon-food-mouth-chewchewchewchewchew.

I am full.How do I feel? Disgusting.

Sigh.I'm still hungry.chewchewchewchew.two bowls of cereals later,I am officially disgusting.pig.obese.I feel like blowing up.Soon my skin will rip and the yellow stuffing will spill everywhere,then I will sew myself up and be thin,powerful,in control.

-Mia?come,we're watching a movie.

-Going-I say as I walk with my pillow under my arm.

-You can choose a movie today-mrs.mom says as she ignores my presence.

-You choose.I like the bloody ones,you guys like the fairy tale kind.-I frown.

-You choose,just do it.-mrs.mom does not care.

I chose the movie 'nightmare on elm street' already saw it but its great.mrs.aunt is scared and hates it.I see blood and I love it.feels great when it's not comming out of your skin.even greater when it is.

My sis is watching a fairy tale movie and she is also scared.

-Mia? Pick another movie this one is scary.-she grabs her teddy bear.

-You're watching the sleeping beauty,shut up already.- I say as I make a sign for her to go see it and leave. us . alone.I was real patient months ago,but anger changes everyone.

Blood-scream-cry-hurt

Blood-scream-cry-hurt

Blood-scream-cry-hurt

Blood-scream-cry-hurt

Blood-scream-cry-hurthurthurthurthurt.

Its over.

I feel satisfied.

People got hurt and died in agony

Sometimes I wish that would happen to my family.

I smile.

My body is warm,my mind is awake:

"Baby girl,princess,darling."

Im daydreaming again.

Sigh.

I wish for rain,so I can feel touched once again.

Mrs.aunt bought ice cream.I am on a diet.I want to cry.I reach for one and chewchewchew.another chewchewchew.and another chewchewchew.any minute my yellow stuffing will spill I know it.

I went to my room,I can taste sorrow,loneliness and blood.my fingers are like razor blades,I walk in my room cutting the air and the demons inside it.I lay down and sleep.I am hurting.