he's getting married

4:35am. Ryan Stiles lay awake, his hands folded carefully over his stomach, his blue eyes staring up at the ceiling above him, his vision blurred and out of focus.

4:36am. Colin Mochrie lay awake, though his hazel eyes were closed. His head rested on a warm shoulder, the pillow being abandoned long ago in favour of sharing body heat.

4:37am. Ryan slipped out of his thoughts, swallowing back his guilt as he tilted his head slightly to the left to stare down at his best friend. The light from the moon shining through cracks in the seedy motel room's blinds cast shadows along Colin's face, making the man appear older and more worn down, tired and overworked.

4:38am. Ryan raised his head slightly, staring blankly at the window behind Colin. He should've been at home, he thought. It should've been Pat's head resting on his shoulder. But he couldn't find it in himself to move, inexplicably craving Colin's presence even when the man was lying next to him.

4:39am. Colin peeked one eye open, glancing up at Ryan and finding that he was distracted. Both of his eyes blinked open and he refrained from rubbing them, not wanting to bother Ryan, instead he watched the man. He looked torn and, despite not having confronted their shared emotions, Colin supposed Ryan was plagued by the same guilt that he was.

4:30am. The alarm beside them went off, and Ryan glanced to check that Colin hadn't woken, only to find the man staring up at him. He cleared his throat after staring down into those hazel eyes for an unnecessarily long time, reaching his arm over Colin to hit blindly along the bedside table until the incessant beeping stopped.

When silence enveloped the room again, Ryan settled back down, staring at Colin who was yet to stop watching him thoughtfully.

"Hi." Colin whispered, watching a small smile turn the corners of Ryan's lips upwards slightly.

Ryan couldn't help the smile that overcame him as he stared down at his best friend, "Hi." he whispered back, watching a matching smile cross Colin's lips.

He leaned down, brushing his lips gently against Colin's, who tilted his head upwards slightly in reciprocation.

When Colin's lips parted, Ryan pulled back, staring forlornly at the man's lips, "I have to go."

Colin nodded sadly, sighing heavily before rolling onto his side so his back was to Ryan. When Ryan stood up off the bed after staring at Colin's back for a while, Colin brought the covers up under his chin so he was surrounded, hoping to find some warmth but only feeling colder without Ryan.

As he watched Ryan stumble around the room, picking up various discarded pieces of clothing before pulling them on, Colin realised he was tired. Tired of pretending, tired of hurting, tired of this same routine playing every time they met up.

Normally he'd ignore these thoughts, not wanting to screw up what he had with Ryan, whatever it was. But not today, not when this had been going on far too long. He stood up, stumbling on his feet, watching Ryan look up at him questioningly.

Colin felt uncomfortable stood in considerably less clothing than Ryan but he pushed that feeling away, tensing his shoulders and lifting his chin in the air, "What're we doing here?"

Ryan looked panicked for a while, before he quickly turned away under the pretence of pulling on a sock. His only answer was to hum questioningly, as if Colin's question didn't deserve an answer.

Not receiving an answer, Colin groaned frustratedly and stepped forward, gripping Ryan's shoulder until the man had no choice but to look at him, "Ryan, what are we doing?"

Ryan looked blankly into Colin's eyes for a while before he cracked a smile and muttered, "Having fun."

Colin sighed, letting go of Ryan's shoulder, "Fine. You don't want to talk? We won't talk. But listen to me."