know that moment? You know that moment when your heart feels fluttery and there's a lump in your chest the SIZE of a golf ball?
You fidget, y'know? And if you stop? Well....
just
don't
stop.
In that moment you scroll through your recent conversations looking for someone to talk to but nothing feels quite right- ScRatCH tHAt
NO ONE feels quite right.
Then a person pops into your mind and you can hear their voice as clear as day. But you can't talk to that person-
no
no
no
-because maybe they're busy or dead but no that not it, no, they walked out of your life or rather just disappeared.
a ghost.
g h o s t e d
I wonder if when he did that he could hear the reverberating shrieks of my heart bounce off the inside of his skull.
Two months, you tell me, is not long enough to love someone and you're right.
h
o
w
e
v
e
r
it's long enough to learn their mannerisms and dreams and fears. it's long enough to know that when they smile it's only a smirk because they're afraid to be too happy and you know that because they tell you that they're just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. It's enough that when they stop responding you think "what the fuck did I do wrong this time" because you tried SO. DAMN. HARD. not to be too clingy or needy or psycho. So you try to fill the void with empty people:
swipe
swipe
swipe
It doesn't work so you just start to write so your thoughts don't hurt your wrists.
