And I was there. In an instant, I could smell the chlorine, I could feel the mat, I could hear the squeak of it as I frantically scrambled to keep it underneath me. The muffled squeals of children having fun filtered in through the dark walls which also held the tiny lights now flickering past me at lightning speed. I gasped for air but found only water, then I was coughing and spluttering like that time my maths teacher inhaled a fly in the middle of explaining fractions. Then a more serious problem became apparent: my pants were still around my ankles, and in danger of slipping away altogether! Horrified, I flung my body forward in the hope I could grab them and pull them up in one swift move. Instead, I hit my head on the top of the tube and let go of the mat which scooted away quickly around the next corner like a crazed horse who has flung its rider. Then came something worse than the pain in my forehead, something I don't care to do ever again. I was skidding over the seams where one pipe joins the next on my bare bum, and lemme tell you - it was not nice. I could hear my own involuntary grunts as I flailed and tried to somehow avoid them but with my feet bound by shorts and undies, it was impossible. I knew I was nearing the end. I tried one last time to reach down with just one hand and retrieve my pants but I missed them and somehow moved upside down. That's when I shot out into the pool in a gush of water like a pantsless skinny bullet, did a backwards tumble and came up gasping like a stunned mullet.
