Thoughts

Day 1

A few days ago I cut my hair. I haven't stopped smiling. I've questioned my gender identity before and watched a video saying I should experiment. So I have been and I love it. I love masculine clothes and feeling like a male. My mom has asked me plenty of times if I want to look like a boy and I never give her a straight answer. I'm afraid of what she or others will think of me. I've even made a homemade binder out of sports bras to help me with some dysphoria with my chest. I don't know, if I decide I am a trans male, that I'll want surgery. Mainly because I'm terrified of doctors and such. I thought about this since 6th grade. I've always played with what society sees as boy toys. I've always liked to hangout with dudes more because I feel like I fit. Don't get me wrong I still like femme things, but these days I'm not so sure that's my identity anymore.

Day 2

I'm wearing a very femme but somehow feel masculine. I thought some more and I remember being little and wearing baggy clothes to hide my chest, hips and butt. I also used to be anorexic to help loose weight and have a squarer shape. I went to school and felt really confident and then could see my chest was very prominent in my sweater and got upset. I confided in one of my friends I think I might be trans and she fully accepted whatever I wanted to do. Which was so very nice.