I lay in my lonely bed thinking about the same boy, the boy who broke my fragile heart, the boy I unconditionally love, the boy who was my everything. He wickedly took my broken heart, mended it together with his toxic love then threw it away.
I try and try, but nothing I do works. He doesn't love me anymore. I scream for his attention I never get the response I so terribly want.
Nowadays I feel like I'm a burden to him and the more I try to re-enter his world I get pushed further and further away. It's like he was just a chapter of my twisted story, a train stop where I got off but had to go back sooner or later.This place was so captivating yet so toxic, his love was drug and I was the addict.
His sweet smile haunts my thoughts and the way he used to treat me is in my dreams. Now every boy that I try to talk to me can't compare, they aren't him. He was so different, or so I thought he was.
Nowadays he has moved on and is happy with someone else, while I dream about him next to me in bed, I wonder if he is happy he left or if he wishes the same thing as me.
I've tried pushing these feelings away but every time I do he still wanders in my mind, creating unbearable thoughts of how I could have done better.
My friends don't understand, but I expect that they wouldn't, they tell my to move on and find someone else but it's harder than that. They tell me he isn't worth it and I can do better, but little did they know he is all I want.
He was my best friend we told each other everything and I felt like I couldn't have shared anything with him. He understood my pain and was there for me when I needed someone the most. He made me forget how fucked up I am and he made me realise there's more to life than wanting to hurt myself for my horrible past.
His smooth voice calmed me and the way he said my name was like no other. I really do miss him, but he doesn't feel the same now. He has moved on, however I haven't. But I will never forget the way he saved me from thinking I could never be loved.
