The Lynches gave me a warm welcome. We all sat down in the living room with a cup of tea, with Ross telling what happened. He knew I couldn't handle it myself, so he told them everything in a nut shell.
I felt the urge to thank him. From the bottom of my heart. I am grateful for people like you. Thank you for your kindness and generosity. It's very much appreciated.
But instead of that, I just looked at him and said "Thank you." Rydel, who was sitting next to me, pulled me into a hug, what soon ended in a group hug from everyone in the room.
"I don't want to bother you all, but I really appreciate this. Thank you for letting me stay here, this is the start for better things to come..."
That night we just talked. I got to know them better. See, if you're a fan of someone, you think you know everything about them. But the truth is, you don't. They are just people, doing what they love, with lots of people supporting them. You see their bright and bubbly sides, but you don't get to see the real him/her. Sitting on their couch, drinking a cup of tea, shows the way they are. And the truth was, they were even better in real life than you'd expect.
I shared a room with Ross, because he was the one who invited me in their house. I braided my hair, changed in Rydels PJ's and got comfy on the other side of his bed.
Note to self: get some stuff from home tomorrow
Before I let the sleep take over, I heard Ross whisper: "Don't lose hope, Ave, you never know what tomorrow will bring."
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Today is the day. 365 days ago, my parents died in a car accident. I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone. You just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence. In my head I was playing back a thousand memories, thinking about everything we've been through.
I was crying. I was crying in silence, which is actually the worst type of crying. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat, and your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just want to scream. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can't breathe anymore. The one when you realize, that the people who meant the most to you, are gone.
I felt an arm around me. I didn't mean to wake him up, but I guess my silence crying wasn't quiet enough. He got closer to me, holding me and softly rocking me back and forth. I cuddled up to him and fell asleep again, still with tears in my eyes.
By the time I woke up again, it was 10 AM. Ross' arm was still on my hip and I heard him lightly snoring. I softly removed his arm from my body and tiptoed out of the room. I walked to the bathroom, where I bumped into Riker.
"Morning Ave!" he said with a bright smile on his face. "Hey, morning Riker!" I said, pretending to be as happy as he was. "Did you sleep well, or did Ross get too cuddly?" He asks me with a big grin on his face. "Mmm, I could handle it." I reply, a bit happier than before. "Good, do you want me to get you some clothes from Rydel?" "No thanks, I'll just change in the clothes I wore yesterday and get some stuff from home today." "I'll drive you then, meet me in half an hour for breakfast?" I nod and step into the bathroom. I quickly put out my PJ's and step into the hot water. For a second I forget everything that's around me.
When I get out of the shower, I tie my hair up and change back in the clothes from yesterday. Since I didn't really bring anything but my handbag, I apply some lip balm on my lips to keep them hydrated.
I walk downstairs, where I find Riker and Rocky in the kitchen. "Good morning beautiful!" Rocky says, while hugging me. "You fancy some pancakes?" Riker adds". "Oh wow, uhm, yes please!" I reply. I help Rocky set the table while Riker is making the pancakes. "Don't we have to wait for the others?" I ask them. "Well, the only one that's still asleep is Ross. You could wake him up if you want?" I nod, put the plates down and walk up the stairs to find Ross. I walk into his room without knocking, what was possibly the best thing I could have done. I see him standing there in nothing but sweatpants. "Uhm, breakfast is uhm, ready." I say with a squeaky voice. "Thanks" he replies, with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.
With a red face I walk downstairs again, with Ross right behind me. Riker and Rocky already sat down, so I decided to sit next to Rocky. I decided to not let this day ruin a breakfast with 3 of my idols and decided to just have fun. We laughed, talked and sang some songs together, while eating the pancakes. I haven't felt this happy in years.
"Ready to go?" Riker ask, giving me a wink. "For what?" Ross asks, with a jealous tone in his voice. "I'm taking her home so she can get some stuff and I think she wants to visit her sister, too." Riker replies to him. "No Riker, I got this. You can do something else." I'd swear I heard a bitchy undertone in his voice, and apparently, so did Riker. "Woah, chill dude, I just wanted to be nice." Ross takes my hand and leads me to the front door. "We'll be back around 11 pm" he yells. With that, he slams the door and walks me to his car.
"Why that late?" I ask him. "You'll see." He says, as he drives onto the road on his way to my house. I don't even have to tell him where to go, he remembered it perfectly. The radio is on his maximum volume and we sing along with every line of every song we know. The time flies by and I hardly think about my parents or Grace. The thing with this boy is that he completely lets you forget all the worries you have for even just a second.
When arrived, I quickly grab the biggest suitcase I could find and just start throwing clothes, makeup, brushes etc. in it. Ross watches it from a distance, shaking his head several times.
"You never really packed a suitcase, did you?" he asks, laughing about what I'm doing. "Not really, no." I say ashamed. "You know, I've been through this for a thousand times because of the touring, so I'm really fast at this. Just throw the stuff and I'll pack it for you."
I do exactly what he says, except for the lingerie part, ain't no way he's going to pack that! "I must give it to you mister Lynch, you're good at this." "Why thank you, I told you I am." We just laugh as I ask him to make some tea for the both of us. That way I can put all the stuff in I don't want him to see. He wants to take the suitcase with him, but I quickly say that we'll get that after the tea.
The moment he walks out of the door, I pack all the girly stuff he doesn't have to know about. See, I live in a big house. We sure aren't poor, and as mean as my aunt is, she makes sure we don't live a poor life. I wake up out of my daydream when I hear Ross scream that the tea is ready.
As I take the warm cup in my hands, I start getting memories. "You see, my mom always used to tell me when I was sad, that you can't buy happiness, but you can buy tea and that's kind of the same thing. And the moment she finished saying that, she walked into the kitchen to boil some water." I tell him, still looking into the cup. "That's really sweet. What was she like, your mom?" he asks me. I sigh. "My mom loved to read. She did it for work, for pleasure and for self-improvement. She looked for opportunities to serve, especially those who couldn't help themselves. She had a smile every morning. Each day provided a wealth of opportunity, and she chose to greet it with a smile. We did have arguments and fights sometimes. But we both knew that we'd love each other always and forever. The more days she's gone, the more I realize that my mom was the best friend that I ever had. She was a miracle worker." It was quiet for a bit. "And your dad?" "I miss my dad, too. He loved cheesy monster movies, so we'd have Godzilla movie marathons. Those are some of my favourite memories, laughing at how the monster outfits were so bad, like black garbage bags for heads.... We didn't spend that much time together because he travelled a lot for his work. You know, he didn't always have a job. My mom managed to put clean clothes on me with little money, take a few cans of food and make it seem like a feast and squeeze her budget so that she could buy me that thing I just had to have.. Her job was okay, but it wasn't enough. One day, my dad got a job offer. He didn't know if he had to accept it, because he had to travel a lot and wouldn't be home that much. He found out that my mom was pregnant with Grace and didn't want to let her live like this, so he accepted the job. Things got a lot better and we ended up in this house. My dad was the sweetest man I've ever known. He'd let me paint his nails and put on a tutu to have tea parties with me. He valued things bigger than this world and kept his eyes open for them. He was always asking about my friends. He wanted to know everything he could about the people I chose to spend time with and he dreamed big dreams for me. Even when I didn't believe in myself, he did. He loved us and I could see it in his words, his face and his actions."
It felt good to let that out. "You know, my parents left us beautiful memories. I miss them every day and I'll never stop missing them." Ross didn't say a single word. And he didn't need to. Instead of talking, he walked up to me, bringing me into a hug. And sometimes, words aren't needed. Sometimes, a hug is all you need.
