Two-Minds

Part 1

Waterdrops fall onto my aching body in a steady motion. Warm and wet like an angel crying of desirable happiness. Soft rushing sounds fill my ears with a Void thats resembled by the static of a radio in a long forgotten apocalyptic world. White dust surrounds me. Im hiding in a fog of rose scent and vanilla. Everything is so peaceful. So quiet and calm. I let the angels joyful Tears fall onto my face as I roll back my head.

Purity rinses off the dirt and soaks me with faith. Hope. Laying my hand on the ice-cold, white tiles next to me. The cold feeling on my fingers and the palm of my hand makes me suddelny aware of my surroundings. Standing in the shower. At my house. My bathroom. My shower. I only now open up my eyes and see my hand on the wall. Everything is surreal. Out of this world. Out of place. Wrong. This is not where Im supposed to be. How long have I been standing here? Standing here, staring at my hand.

My head starts to function on its own without me understanding anything. Slowly gravitating towards the hospital-like tiles as if they were some kind of magnet. My thoughts racing faster than ever. What happens here? Im eager to find out. Scared to find out. Why am I scared? Right before my buzzing head could find rest on the area next to my hand, everything stops. I feel the walls cold breath on my Skin. Sending shivers down my spine. Down my veins. Up and down my limbs. Giving me goosebumps. I see the tiles getting fogged up because of the body heat that Im involuntarily sharing. The thought of me losing my heat scares me. I back off a Tiny bit.

Im still facing the wall. Staring at the wall. My hand still touching it. Why did everything stop? Why do I now- Oh. I understand. The last step. I gotta take it myself. I gotta be aware of it. The final step before finding out why Im feeling the way I do.

I breath in. Deeply. Inhale vanilla roses and warm fog. I breath in like I was About to dive a mile through the deepest caves in the ocean. Air fills my almost bursting lungs. I hold this breath. Keep it inside. My lungs seem like they are going to give in to the pressure but eventually they dont. Im igniting the pain. Really feeling it. Living it. Loving it.

My head gets dizzy and my vision goes blurry. I feel myself starting to shake. First my hands and knees and soon everything is trembling. Im heading to the end of my conscience so I let go. With this exhale of deeply felt emotions I let my head sink on the ice before me. I understand the cold as an electric shock in my whole System. My veins and arteries are burning. Muscles tensed and mind running. Then, emptiness.

I close my eyes on everything that seems so surreal. My surroundings shatter, the sounds dissapear until there is only silence among me.

I feel it. Im back here.