Little Things

Grow A Pair Woman!

You’re so stupid Katie, the only boy who actually –well only boy you’ve ever had interaction with- cared about you and you throw it all away for what? Oh yeah because you were too scared to tell him about your wee little itty bitty pea sized problem. RIDICULOUS. Grow a pair woman!

Okay now I really need to stop having this internal monologue because it’s really distracting. I mean I did the right thing though, I was a problem so I removed myself from the situation hence making his life 20 gazillion times better and mine was pretty much reduced to a tiny turd some guys dog took on the side walk. It’s okay sometimes you just got to take one for the team. I’m so ungrateful I HAVE CANCER and of all things I’m worried about a stupid boy, get over yourself Katie. Okay now I’m really done with internal monologue, it’s starting to freak me out a bit here.

 Once I'm done my pity fest I kick off my shoes and throw them out my window. “STUPID FREAKING NIGHTSTAND WHY THE HECK ARE YOU EVEN HERE.” I yell at my totally innocent night stand while I kick it repeatedly. I ran to my closet and rip out my clothes.

 “Katie, honey are you okay?" Why does somebody have to come in my room right when I look like a crazed lunatic? 

 “WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?” I screech at my poor father standing in my door frame. “WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?” I’m actually surprised my dad is out of his study at this hour and I’m also really embarrassed that this is how he had to see his daughter for the first time in five years, well maybe not five years, but a really long time. “I’m sorry it’s just Cole.” I sheepishly admit, feeling sorry for shouting at the top of my lungs.

 “A boy hurt my beautiful little girl? He’s gonna have a meeting with my two friends Jackie and Chan tomorrow.” I laugh as my dad kisses both of his fists.

 “It was my fault though.”

 “And how’s that?” My dad walks over to sit next to me on my bed.

 “I told him he should stop seeing me because it’s better if I’m out of his life because in the end I’m just gonna die on him anyways and I was too scared to tell him about the cancer.”

“Well, I think you need that boy in your life more than you think.”

 “What do you mean?”

 “Just because I’m locked up in my study all day doesn’t mean I don’t have windows and mind you the walls in there are really thin.” My face turned red. “I see the way he looks at you, like I did when I met your mom, when you walked down those stairs in that dress the poor kid looked like he’d seen a ghost. That’s when you know they really like you when they’re too nervous to even look you in the eye.”

 “Dad…”

 “I’m serious honey, I know it sounds cheesy but it's true. Love doesn’t come around very often and when it does you better not let it slip right through your fingers.” And then he left. He left me and my crazy thoughts and me being the confused, lost, hopeless teenager I am I call the second best person to cheer me up, Becca.

Long story short she said a party is all I would need, so here I am in a too tight dress and sky high heels drinking away my feelings while my best friend gets her party on. I’m about 6 tequila shots in and boy am I getting crazy, I didn’t even know I could stand on a table without falling over and crying.

 “Whoo!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “Let’s party.” Which is a completely stupid thing to say because isn’t that what we’re doing now?

 “Okay babe, I think you’ve had a little too much to drink.” Katie soothingly says attempting to escort me off the table.

 “No, you silly billy.” I violently shake my head while giggling. “I’m gonna go bathroom now.” I point in 2 different directions while I giggle and stumble off the table.