Stolen: A letter to my captor, alt ending

The Nightmare

I couldn't get the air into my lungs quick enough as I sat up in a frenzied panic. My heart was painfully beating against my ribcage and I was drenched in sweat. The tears had already begun. Sobs more like. I swung my legs off of the bed and onto the floor and reached out my arms to find stability in the blackness, a wall, you, anything. As I orientated myself and found the door the layout of the house was familiar, coming back to me, it comforted me somewhere in the back of my mind but nowhere near enough to stop the sobs raging through my body uncontrollably. The emotion I felt was all consuming, I couldn't breathe properly let alone think straight. Where had the dream began and reality ended, I didn't know at all, it was just so vivid and real. I just needed to find you in that moment, I didn't need or care to think anything beyond that.

Your door was open a crack, as it always was. It helped me steady myself as faint light filtered out through your window lit the corridor for me. I pushed the door open, my actions were the same as my thinking now, desperate and urgent. I was sobbing so loudly, but it was my touch that woke you as I reached for you, I scrambled briefly with your bedsheet trying to find my way into you. I craved the closeness we had in my dream, when I slept warm and peacefully in your embrace, the safest I'd felt since being here. I needed that comfort now after that horrible nightmare.

You awoke suddenly, and you were in helpless shock for a few moments before you said anything as I climbed in close to you, the wet sobbing shaking my body. "Gem?! What's wrong are you hurt?!" Your voice was raspy, panicked. I was crying to much to even answer you, you gently but urgently clasped your hands around the tops of my arms, "Gemma are you hurt?". I shook my head against you and focused on finding the breath to answer "No." I felt you relax a little knowing that and you helped me as I reached more for you by pulling me against you, we were chest to chest on our sides my face buried in the warm crevice of your neck. My head rested on your arm as it wrapped around to stroke my hair reassuringly, your other arm rested on the small o my back around my waist, pulling me to you. "What's wrong Gem?" You said with your lips almost to my ear, your face resting lightly on my head. I started to calm down a little now that you were here, holding me, and I spoke out loud to tell you "I just" I needed to pause to swallow a sob, "I just had a really, really horrible bad dream."

It should have felt better saying it, admitting to myself that it was all alright, just a dream, but as the memories of the dream arise once more in the forefront of my mind, the sobs started worse again, shaking my whole body aggressively. Despite my worsening cries, I could tell you relaxed somewhat knowing it was a nightmare and that I wasn't hurt or in pain, or that I hadn't done that to myself. You tightened your grip again and spoke to me softly like you did with the camel, comforting her. "Ssssh, sssshhhh, ssssshhh, it's okay, it's alright, it was just a dream, it wasn't real Gem, I'm here, I've got you, you're safe, don't worry, sssshhhh, sssshhh, ssshhhh" You hushed sweet, calming words to me for a while whilst you gently stroked your fingers through my hair and grazed your nose against my cheek. Your other hand had found a small stretch of skin on my lower back where my t-shirt had risen up above my shorts, your fingers very gently and slowly caressed my skin there and I focused on that comforting feeling and inhaling the smell of you until the shaking sobs faded away.

I felt beyond sleepy there in that safe warm, comforting place in your arms, even though your tiny camp bed was unbelievably uncomfortable. It startled me when you spoke, bringing me back to reality. "Do you want to tell me what happened? In your dream?" Your voice was soft and lulling. I shook my head, "No, in the morning I will."

"Okay." And I settled back down against you, into your smell. It was awful in that dream, when you were gone nothing was the same, and you weren't there to help me or look after me anymore, I was truly alone, an immigrant walking around my old home. Somewhere in my mind, it registered in that moment that things really would never be the same if I left here, I can't just walk back into my old life, things would be so different, you've changed it, you've changed me. I don't want to live between these two worlds, but if I can't have my old one back, maybe I'm supposed to stay here, with you. Maybe everything you've told me has been right, that the desert needs me here, that you need me here, but maybe most importantly, maybe I need me here. Enough for now, I thought to myself, I don't have the mental energy to think about this now, besides I knew I had four months to endure here with you. On that note I lifted my head slightly, though it was exhausting to do.

"Ty?" I whispered and I think you were close to sleeping as well because all you responded was "Mmmh?"

"Can I sleep in here?"

"Of course you can Gem." You breathed into my hair and I felt you pull me slightly closer. In that moment I just felt content, and I allowed myself that, I let my head rest down against you again and within minutes I'd slipped back into a deep slumber, this time though, I didn't dream.