My Reason For Fighting.

New Beginnings.

Everyday off my life I ask myself the same question. When does it get better? I stare up at my ceiling for a few minutes, composing myself for the day before getting  out of bed and getting myself ready for school. Honestly I feel so exhausted, how long do I need to put up with this facade. I've come to the conclusion that something is obviously wrong with me but I don't know how to fix it. It's so difficult for me to Express my emotions. Ever since I began losing all this weight I thought it would make me feel better about myself but instead it felt like I lost part of myself. I didn't know if it was my past experiences or my drastic drop in health to blame but recently it became so hard to care. Being happy almost felt like a chore to me.

"Where is that lazy ass. I swear he's so useless sometimes. Can't he do anything right?" I hear my mother arguing from our kitchen. It's nothing new, I got used to her acting this way it doesn't faze me anymore.

"I'm leaving for school." I say as I put on my shoes at the door and slung my bag around my shoulder. "Come straight home." My mom yells after me as I walk into the drive way. "Yeah, yeah." I whispered more to myself.

The weather was great today, the sun wasn't out fully, the cool morning air brushing against my skin, the surrounding area so quite you could ear the birds chirping and the trees rustling in the wind.

A few minutes later I reached my school. It's my last year of high school so you must be thinking I'm having the time of my life, well I'm not. Honestly I wish I never had to see this hell whole again. It's been the worst five years of my life, my amazing life at home didn't end when I left the house, ooo no, my wonderful friends continued the beatings at school. They made sure to cover the clear area of my skin that my parents missed with more blue, black bruises. What a wonderful life note the sarcasm.

We had two months summer break so I got to take it easy because my parents decided to take a well deserved vacation que eye role. I took the time to find a summer job and actually followed through on my diet for once, finally after 7 years of new years resolution to lose some weight I actually did it. I'm proud of myself, I went from 178 pounds to 106 pounds in 2 months. It wasn't easy but I got tired of the fat shaming and endless bullying, everyone hated me because of my weight including myself so I made a change.

As I walked through the crowded hallways I could hear the whispers buzzing around me "Is he another new kid? Where did he come from? He's cute." Ect. I rolled my eyes and continued my business, of course they wouldn't recognize me I not only lost a shit ton of weight I'm pretty sure I'm half the height I use to be, how is that even possible. How tiring.

As I entered my class I was met with eyes simultaneously turning towards me. It didn't last long tho as they turned back to whatever had their attention in the back. They were circled around something as they all tried talking at once. A series of  "My name is... what's yours... damn your hot. Hey bros'." Could be heard. The talking instantly was stopped by the sound of a book hitting the desk and the bell for the first period ringing "okay class take your seat. The cluster of students disbanded to their respected seats to reveal a boy sitting at the very back with his legs on the table and his arms folded across his chest, he looked very uninterested? He looked like the typical bad boy with black ripped jeans, a giant black hoodie, all matching is silk black hair that carelessly fell over his forehead.

" You must be the new student?" The teacher spoke. I continued to take a seat in the only empty desk which happened to be next to his when I noticed everyone looking in my direction. I figured it was because my desk was next to his until I heard Mr. Kim speak again "excuse me young man its disrespectful to ignore a teacher." Even the new boy was now looking at me. I gave my teacher a confused look. "I'm sorry are you speaking to me sir?" I questioned, my voice coming out quite as I clutched my books tighter around my chest. "No I'm talking to the other silver
haired boy who just happened to also be hugging onto his books for dear life." He rolled his eyes. I was so confused "I'm sorry. I'm not new here. My name is Kim Taehyung. I've been going here for the past 5 years now." I looked down trying to ignore the dropped jaws and sourcer like eyes staring at me.

There was instantly an eruption of whispers along the class "no way. That's the fat faggot? That's Jacksons cock sucker? The boy who likes dicks? Damn I could hit that. He got hot." I could feel my eyes sting as the whispers got louder. Why am I like this. Why am I even here. The noise was shut down by the sound of a chair being pushed back scraping the floor loudly as the boy next to me stood, his height towering over me, he looked almost 6ft  "That would be me. Name's Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook." He spoke so dominantly, his voice deep and raspy. He sounded so sexy and kind of bored? Jungkook sat back down after his introduction and looked at me. I instantly looked away and tried to pay attention to the class Mr. Kim was trying to teach. Jungkook's eyes didn't leave me for almost half the class, it was as tho he didn't even notice the love struck stares he was getting for most of the class after he spoke or if he did then he didn't care.

40 minutes later the class was dismissed by the sound of the bell. The students instantly rushed out before they could recieve any homework. I gathered my things and stood up to leave when I noticed Jungkook was back to resting his feet on the desk, arms folded and his hoodie pulled over covering his eyes.
Ignore him Tae it's none one our business.
My inner self screamed but there was this part of my that pushed me towards him.

"Excuse me class is over. You're going to be late for your next class." I whispered almost scared to wake him.
His heavy breathing stopped and his feet dropped to the floor.

Look what you did you dumbass, now we can add another person to our bully list. He looks almost 10× as strong as the others Tae what did you get us into. I screamed to myself.

After a minute I noticed he hadn't move. Did he go back to sleep?

Good Taehyung now is the perfect chance. Run away. I repeat RUN AWAY.

SHUT UP WILL YOU! I screamed back. It's official I'm crazy. I released a sigh and slowly walked up to him. Not only am I crazy but I also have a death wish.

"Excu..." I gently placed my hand on his shoulder as I tried to wake him but was cut off when grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto his lap surprising me.

Did you just squeak. Wtf aren't you a man. I really wanted to strangle my subconscious sometimes.

"Hello there Angel." His voice as deep as the ocean and silky smooth. Both my hands placed on his chest trying to keep steady. Why am I not scared? Why an I not trying to escape. Why does he feel so warm? Why does he feel

Safe?

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I'm sorry if it's not good. I'm open to constructive criticism. Thank you so much for your time.

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