But She Didn't

When she fell, taking her last breath, everything stopped. People stood staring, mouths agape at the form that was sinking through the sky, closer and closer to the harsh reality, a reminder of the fact that life ends, nothing lasts forever. Not in the way that a plane might crash while carrying many people because plane crashes are accidental, passengers are headed some destination, possibly a holiday well deserved, possibly to see family or even to start a new life. But this, this was different, there was no accident, there was no end destination filled with love, happiness or joy, this was purposeful. The final tilt over the bridge, that wasn't the wind, nor was it a slip. It was a push. And there was no one there to change it. No one was there to change her fate, she was alone, her thread had been cut long ago, her heart had given up well before it stopped beating. She did it, but she didn't. Those who knew her said it was her own fault, said she could have gotten help, should have gotten help, but she didn't. Said that because of that, it was her fault, her own problem that she should have dealt with, but she didn't. Those who look on could only speculate and imagine what her life would have been if she had only stayed off the bridge that way, but she didn't. That was how she'd always wanted to go, once it had begun, there was no going back, no freaking out, no getting cold feet, just how she wanted it. As the wind tore at her, she could only pretend that everything was ok, that she was flying, that she had a life ahead of her that was happy, but she didn't. Even the birds stood silent as the newcomer flew with them, but she didn't fly up like the others, she went down, only down, gaining speed. The birds saw the fall, but not the start, so they had no way knowing if it was purposeful or accidental. But we know, we know differently, we know reasons. We know it was her, we know she pushed herself, we know that she stood there, the wrong side of the railings, telling herself no one cared because no one did. We can pretend that when she spoke people listened to her, we can pretend that when she smiled it was real, we can pretend that as she stood there, toes inches over the ledge, she reconsidered, but she didn't. She knew it was right, she knew no one would care, no one would notice her gone when in school, no one would play the game of watching, waiting to see who the unlucky person was that had to be paired with her in class. No one would miss her. There were so many things that she could have done with her life, but thanks to those around her, she chose to end it.