The Diary Of The Weak: My Journal

3:37-5:15 #14

Hey guys! I haven't been busy today and I've been updating/publishing stories, so I though why not write a entry! Today, I am going to do a "self-harm question challenge". Let's see how this goes. aha :)

1. How long have you been self-harming? Discuss why you started.

When I DID self-harm, I did it for the whole summer. And for us that's 5-6 months. I started when I got depressed in the first month of summer when I saw my dad's pocket knife on the bed side table. I made two cuts on my wrist (not deep enough to make scars) and it got swollen bad because it had been used and not washed. ;/

2. What part of your body is most affected by it?

This may sound weird, but my sides. I didn't want anyone to see the cuts/scars so I did it on my hips/sides.

3. What is your motivation to recover?

Myy motivation to do it is writing and music. I honestly wouldn't be here today without those two things. <3

4. Do you consider yourself  "addicted"? Why or why not?

I do consider myself addicted because even though I've stopped, I still do sometimes handle my problems with that shiny-sharp razor.

5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?

The part I dislike the most is that it only adds more pain. When you cut yourself it's going to hurt and the main reason you're doing what you're doing is to get rid of the pain, which only lasts for a short amount of time. So I don't see the point.

6. What about it did you enjoy?

I enjoyed it because it was a distraction. For one moment you don't feel all the pain and hurt. All I felt was that razor ripping through my skin and the blood dripping down. You don't think about how alone,fat,ugly,worthless,unloved you are. You don't think about your drug addicted mom or your "never get out of bed" dad. All you think about is the razor the is leaving the scars that will soon fade away.

7. List 10 activites that help calm you down.

Reading,writing,listening to music, taking long hot and bubbly baths, singing, cuddling up on the couch/bed and watching romantic/horror movies, eating blondies (my favorite desert), and I don't really have anything else.

8. Whats the most supportive thing anyone has ever told you about self harm?

Honestly, no one has really given me a "supportive quote" on self harm.

9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss.

Actually I have. They were semi-deep and I just wanted to see a picture of them. I kept it for a while, but deleted it because someone had to use my phone.

10. How do you feel about your scars?

Now, I feel so ashamed. Their fading away now, but still I'm SO ashamed and embarrassed. I used to love running my fingers over my scars and enjoyed looking at them.

11. Strangest place (school,parketc) you've ever injured yourself?

When my dad was in the garage talking on the phone with someone, I did it in his room. Stupid, I know. >.<

12. Where do you keep your "tools"? (Your room,in a box, disposed of them?)

I kept them in the kitchen drawer, bathroom drawer, or under my pillows.

13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you've had?

My biggest realization is when I was in my room crying and I was about to cut when I remembered that my friend said I was hurting everyone around me and that I was betraying God. Yeah, she's not very nice.

14. Is there anyone you consider and inspiration in your recovery?

Marissa Anne, Julianna Damiano, Demi Lovato, and One Direction.

15. Do you visit any websites about self harm? If so, what are they?

I'm really hungry and tired. I'll do the rest tomorrow. Bye bubs. Stay strong. xx