Oceans ||A Short Story||

Oceans

I saw you when I was 16. The dog barked so frantically and so loud I woke up. I kept the air cold in my room and the lights off. Every time I woke up it felt like I was deep in the ocean secluded, for my own good. The dog growls go too much to handle as I tried to fall back asleep so I reached for my lamp. The lights drained my ocean but it was needed to see. I walked down the stairs that I used to be so scared to climb. The dread in the air wasn't mine anymore and I sensed it. The tile floor touched my feet, I was on the first floor. I left the pool light on earlier that day and the blue hue filled the space. My dog was frightened. Hair stood up around his neck and spine. His yaps almost hurt in the silence. I approach the kitchen where he was looking carelessly.  If this event had happened years ago I would have already panicked. I would be screaming for my mother who did not care about the child who claimed unbelievable things.
Back then I thought nobody would believe me if I just said it felt like something was there. But if I said I saw it surly the must at least try. So I lied to my mother, then to the doctors, and then to a priest. I was on medication I didn't need with the belief maybe someone else would believe.
I tell you this now Steph becausei want you to know I never entendes for us to really meet. I didn't want anymore shots or pills.
When I really saw you for the first time my mind went back to that time where I constantly searched for proof to fuel my lies. I wish my mother was the one to see you. I wished that she could see you and love me again like when I was a child. Or at least one that didn't cry wolf.
Then the fear set in. Like a dream I tried to scream but it wouldn't come out. Or maybe it was like a daydream. I wouldn't give myself permission. Your mouth was open and gasping gurgling on water that wasn't there. You had your own ocean in life. Your eyes were lifeless but you tried your best to convey emotions. You looked at me frantically. You were everything to a thirteen year old liar but you didn't even know what was happening. I blamed you for so long for my mother falling out of love with me, but was it really you or I who sold my own innocence.