Blemished

one

Authors note: Thanks littlekeinstein for the edit!! This is chapter one. Sorry for any editing mistakes that i missed. The song for this chapter is "Waves" by Dean Lewis

•Chapter One•

Carson's POV

Waking up sucks. Especially when you're finally getting that good one hour of sleep so you can actually function. Waking up sucks. Since I stayed up with the same racing thoughts until 4:30 in the morning as usual. Waking up sucks ass.

I make my way to my small kitchen to get the only thing that can help. Coffee. I start brewing my iced caramel macchiato and wait until I hear the beep on the machine telling me that it's ready. Iced coffee. Always. Nothing else. Hot coffee is not my preference and no matter how many times Kim tries to persuade me into drinking it. I won't.

Then I stumble over to the cabinet and get the one thing that hides me from everyone asking questions. I call them my happy pills. They not only put the mask on my face with that fake smile but the pills actually nail it to my fucking head.

After I pour my coffee into my sealable cup so I can drink it on the way to school, I get dressed in my jeans and sweatshirt. I don't feel like putting on any makeup because I can already tell that i'm not going to give a fuck today. I take one last look in the mirror before I set off. Honestly. I look like shit with my messy blonde hair thrown in a bun on top of my head. I mumble to myself "fuck it" and grab my keys while walking out the door.

I listen to The Neighborhood on my way to school and start screaming the lyrics to "Afraid" so I can get everything out of my system before school.

I park and get out of my car and instantly see a large crowd of people interested in something that is going on blocking my path to get inside of school. This is a sign. It has to be. I should turn around now. I decide to push my thoughts away since I really don't want to get my ass chewed out by Stiles and mom for skipping.. again.

I make my way through the crowd and literally hold my breath until I get through the doors of school. I have to calm myself down. I can usually take that many people but it's way too fucking early in the morning for this shit. I text my friends to see who has arrived to school and I get no answer.

"Fucking great." I make my way up to the second floor towards the library. Besides they have a new coffee station now since they've had many letters of recommendation. Most of them were from me but that's besides the point.

"Hey Carson" What? I turn around to see the schools librarian walking with me inside. Oh.

"Oh. uUh. Hi Mrs. Keen." I say softly.

"How are you today dear?" She looks sincere.

"Good." I look down and make my way to the bookshelf titled "Originals"

"Have you finished the book that you checked out a couple weeks ago?" Is she still talking?

I remember I checked out Wuthering Heights like a week ago. Even though i've read it about five times. I mean are you ever really finished reading Wuthering Heights? I clear my throat. "Um no not yet. Just looking."

"Alright dear." She says too nicely and leaves.

I look around subtly to see if anyone else is around and pleased when I see that the library is empty.  I then make my way to the coffee station. It's only a Kuereg but if it makes coffee i'm more than happy to use it. I take out my phone to see texts from Harley and Kim from the group chat telling me that they are at school. I put some vanilla creamer in with the coffee and pour it into the cup I still have from the house since there is some ice that hasn't melted yet.

On my way downstairs to meet my friends, the bell rings. "God damn it" i mumble to myself before turning around quickly when I start to see the stampede of people coming up the stairs. As I speed walk to class I see Meagan and her friends staring at me intently as I pass them. I look past them while taking a sip of my coffee letting the somewhat cold liquid drown out and push the insecurities and terrible thoughts out of my head.

I haven't spoken to Meagan since the end of freshman year but that doesn't stop her from talking shit about me to anyone she can find. Everyday I mentally pat myself on the back for not telling her what was happening to me or even spoke about my health when the doctors diagnosed me. It would be ten times worse if she knew that shit.

I walk into biology and see Kharismia and walk up to her. She looks at me with surprise  "Hey Carson, woah. What happened? You look like hell." She jokes

I sit down with a big huff and take another sip of my coffee. "Thanks, I just got back" I say sarcastically.

"No sleep again?" Sincerity plastered through her words.

I look down at my half a cup of coffee and say quietly "When is there ever sleep"

The tardy bell rings signalling for class to begin.

During the entire hour, i'm trying my best to focus on what the teacher is saying. The teacher assigned my seat in the back of the class since Stiles just had to tell all of my teachers about the claustrophobia. I'm sure I would be fine sitting somewhere else but some days, I wouldn't be able to take it. That's just me. Today, on the other hand, I am fairly glad to be seated in the back where nobody pays any attention to me, Just the way I like it. I sit there twiddling my pencil around in my hand thinking about when One Direction is going to get back together. Why the hell am I thinking about this? I have no idea.

I'm interrupted when the girl in front of me turns around with an annoyed look on her face.

"Can you please stop tapping your foot on the ground, its distracting?" I instantly recognize her. She's one of Meagan's minions. Fucking-

I didn't even notice that i was tapping my foot on the ground. i take another sip of my coffee that is slowly watering down and reply with no emotion whatsoever: "K"

She turns around quickly making her ponytail whiplash, making her long brown hair hit her in the face. I chuckle and sit back in my seat. The guy next to me, Andrew, turns towards me and whispers "Hey Carson" with a nice smile.

Andrew has sat next to me this entire year. We've been through some stuff at the beginning of the year when his dad kicked him out and I was there to comfort him. He also brought me coffee when I was too tired to go to school once. He's tall and probably the only guy on the football team who has any respect towards people. He's cute. All the girls in the school think so too. I would even be swooning for him even though we're like best friends. That is, if he actually liked girls... He's too scared to come out to anyone else other than me and well, his dad, but that didn't work out so now it's just a secret between the two of us.

"Hey Andrew." I say with a small smile.

"Are you okay today?" I silently chuckle with his use of words. today

"Yeah, just thinking about stuff." I look away from him and towards the front of the class

"You sure?" he asks quietly. no.

"Yeah i'm okay. You know how I get, It just comes and goes." I attempt a smile

"Like waves?" He says with humor.

"Like waves." I say with a small chuckle.