The Weight (a Shawn Mendes fan-fiction)

Chapter 21

Teagans POV

I want to die. Like phyiscally my pain couldn't get any worse. Shawn was all I ever wanted and all I ever needed. It's not long until the cold metal touches my wrist for what seems like the millionth time. The red I bleed everywhere is messy, like my life.

My phone has buzzed about 10 times. Caleb has tried calling, texting, and even facebooking me. He knows I'm not in a stable position, but I don't care. He's the reason I'm here... Well, technically at least...

"Teagan please please call me back please! You can't do this please. I'm coming over if you don't answer me please!" His voice is frantic but more importantly there's noise in the background. What is it? Guitar strumming? His iPod? It doesn't matter.

My door is burst open leaving me to face my demon with it's shinny eyes and caring soul. I currently lay on my side in the middle of the hardwood flooring. My hair falls randomly to frame my face and show my ugliness to it's full extent.

"Teagan thank God." Caleb runs to me and collapses beside me taking me into a hug.

You know that feeling when you don't want to be hugged? Yeah, I have that feeling. But do you also know the feeling when you feel a pair of eyes gazing down on you? I also feel this. I hesitantly look up to find my dad peering down with worried eyes. But next to him stood a boy. A boy with brown hair, gorgeous brown eyes, and a nonexistent smile. Shawn. My Shawn.

He's not yours. You guys are done.

"Hey. Can we talk. Well the question is, can you compose yourself to talk?" Ouch. Shawn's words spit venom. I simply nod and caleb follows my father to the family room.

Shawn sits about 6 feet away from me on the floor. What is going on in his mind? His eyebrows come together and form adorable crinkles in between them.

"So obviously me and you are not together right now. I want to take a break. Just enough time for you to realize your mistake." I already have Shawn. "I'm not doing this to be a dick. I miss you like hell already, T. But if you still want me... And only me in a week, I'll take you in forever. I love you so so much. Please. Don't think I'm trying to hurt you." His eyes gain a hint of terror at his obvious thoughts we both were thinking. He actually thinks I will cut or kill myself? Not that I wouldn't.. But he can read me like an open book evidently.

He reaches out to my bloodied sleeve and gently holds my forearm in his palm. He slowly rolls up the sleeve trying not to cause me pain. His cringe is enough to make the pain stop. It's enough to make me realize the dangers of self harm. It's enough to make the urge to cut go away.

"Oh, T..." His voice is rough and slow. He feels pain. Why? Because I'm a fuck up?

"Shawn." Is all I can manage to say before he pulls me into a tight embrace.

"Don't let me go. Please." The words escape and I don't regret them. I close my eyes letting a few tears roll down onto his shirt and take in the moment.