I ran to harrys apartment because i knew neither of them were home. I pushed the door open and ran to my suitcase, pulling out my clothes and throwing them in the bathroom.
I started the water and washed the shame from my body. After i was washed up i got out and dried up throwing on my panties and a bra.
I sat on the counter and put my head between my hands letting everything out. I fumbled through my suitcase and pulled out that bottle of pills and my blades.
I pulled out that camcorder that I've kept around for so long and flipped it open. The only people i cared about betrayed me.
The red light turned on signaling that it was recording.
"So i guess this is it im done. Yeah obviously I'm fine right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry i wake up every morning and try to live my life. I'm sorry I was even born. But most of all I'm sorry for never being good enough for anyone. Hopefully everything gets better for you now that I'm gone. So I'm doing you a favor and ridding the world of myself because i can't do this anymore. I don't know why I'm even still alive honestly so i hope you have a good life now. Goodbye forever," i sobbed before shutting off the camera and opening the pill bottle.
I poured to bottle into my mouth, swallowing pill after pill after pill. The 50 pill bottle was now empty and i pulled out my razor blade.
I dug the razor into my skin over the vein and pressing down as hard as i could, cutting myself in every part of my body. My legs and arms were filled by the time i fell to the floor and closed my eyes, surrounded by a pool of my own blood.
NIALLS POV
i just lost robin, i have to get her back. I couldn't find her anywhere. I've been to every place she is likely to be but no luck.
After five minutes of taking i realized where she was. Harrys house.
I called harry and zayn immediately.
"Guys go to your house i think robins in danger," i shouted before hanging up and swerving on the road, going 100 mph trying to get to robin.
When i got to the apartments harry and zayn were barely arriving. I ran up the stairs and saw the door open. I ran in and searched the house with zayn and harry.
"Robin open the door!" Zayn yelled, banging on the bathroom door. There was no answer just utter silence.
"Robin open the fucking door right now," i screamed as harry stood behind me pacing in the room.
I ran back and charged at the door, busting it open.
I stopped dead in my tracks, dropping to the floor as i covered myself in robins blood. Pills and blood littered the floor along with an unconscious robin and it was all my fault.
"Robin wake up," i cried, shaking her harshly. She didn't move. Nothing moved. Harry was on the floor in shock
"Robin you have to wake up," zayn shouted, punching the wall and pushing past me.
"We have to get her to the emergency room now," i cried as i lifted her up, covering my clothes in blood.
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"She tried to commit suicide i need help now," i shouted as i ran inside with her. Doctors rushed to my side and set her up on a rolling bed.
" did she consume anything?" The doctor asked me as we rushed her to the er.
"I dont know she took a bottle of pills and she slit her wrist, her whole body is covered in cuts," i cried as the nurses stopped me.
"No i can't leave her," i yelled as they took her away from me.
"ROBIN," i shouted as the nurses tried to restrain me.
"No please i can't leave her i need to be with her she could be dead," i sobbed, dropping to the floor.
Before i could register anything i was in the waiting room with zayn, harry, louis, Mari, and liam.
"Niall what happened what did you do?" Kassie shouted at me as she walked in with sofie and Rachel.
When kassie reached me her hand found my chest and gave me a hard shove. "I told you niall, i told you to leave her alone!" She cried, gripping her hair and dropping to a chair.
"Um who's here for robin conners?" The nurse asked, stepping out. All of us stood up.
"Where are the parents?" She asked.
"They aren't here, they won't come," i choked out.
"I'm her sister ," kassie spoke up, stepping forward.
"Uh ok please step this way," the nurse said, i followed kassie and the nurse to robins room hoping to see her alive. Luckily the nurse didn't even notice me so i slipped into her room with kassie.
"How much longer till she wakes up?" Kassie asked.
"Were not sure, it could be a couple minutes, couple hours, couple days at the max, she's heavily medicated at the moment,"
I took a breath and turned around, staring at her. Her skin was pale and lifeless. She was hooked up to so many cords. Her eyes were shut and bandages covered her body. The only sound that could be heard was the beeping of her moniter and the oxygen being delivered to her.
I stopped at the edge of her bed and let the tears fall to her feet. Leaving little wet droplets on her blanket.
"You should be ashamed of yourself niall, you have no right to stand in this room with her, i hope you go to hell," kassie told me, gripping robins hand.
"Kassie please, i know i don't deserve it but please pm can i just talk to her in private please?" Kassie shook her head and walked out.
"Robin i know you probably can't hear me, but i love you, and I'm so sorry for everything. I get it that your gonna hate me when you wake up but i don't care i just have to tell you one last time, i love you. To hold you in my arms one last time. To hold your hand and tell you everything is gonna be ok when we know it's not just one last time before i leave. I'm not coming back, I'm going back to Ireland, i don't deserve to be here with you. I can't even stand to look at you because this is all my fault. I can't even look at myself without being discussed with myself in every way, shape and form. I just want you to know regardless of what happens or how you feel about me, the love i have for you is real, it always was. Everything i told you about how i felt was true. I've always loved you, and i always will. I'm so sorry again for everything, i didn't mean to hurt you, never. I'll always be here, and i hope that one day you can forgive me for this," i cried. I bent down and kissed her forehead. I looked at her lips.
I kissed them gently. I cupped her face with my hand and applied a bit more pressure hoping to feel her lips move and kiss me back.
They never did.
YOU ARE READING
a kiss on the wrist
أدب الهواة"So this is growing up huh,you know tear stained pillows every night,staring naked at yourself in the mirror, waiting for a text that will never come, wishing for impossible things, like narrower thighs or prettier hair. It's a vicious cycle of bein...
